Jesse
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They say Seinfeld is a show about nothing. And yet, Jerry and his gang of modern day philosophers touch on some of life’s most ponderous, precarious quandaries, like… is salad gay?
“I love a good nap. Sometimes it’s the only thing getting me out of bed in the morning.”
“Why is nice bad? What kind of a sick society are we living in when nice is bad?”
“Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.”
“You know, I got a great idea for a cologne: ‘The Beach.’ You spray it on, and you smell like you just came home from the beach.”
“Salad! What was I thinking? Women don’t respect salad eaters.”
“People on dates shouldn’t even be allowed out in public.”
“Moles — freckles’ ugly cousin.”
Kramer: You’re wasting your life.
George: I am not. What you call wasting, I call living. I’m living my life.
Kramer: Okay, like what? No, tell me. Do you have a job?
George: No.
Kramer: You got money?
George: No.
Kramer: Do you have any action at all?
George: No.
Kramer: Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning?
George: I like to get the Daily News.
Jerry: This isn’t a good time.
Telemarketer: When would be a good time to call back, sir?
Jerry: I have an idea, why don’t you give me your home number, and I’ll call you back later?
Telemarketer: Umm, we’re not allowed to do that.
Jerry: Oh, I guess because you don’t want strangers calling you at home. Well, now you know how I feel.
“People don’t turn down money! It’s what separates us from the animals.”
“Do you think it’s effeminate for a man to put clothes in a gentle cycle?”
“Why does everything have to be ‘us’? Is there no ‘me’ left? Why can’t there be some things just for me? Is that so selfish?”
“What is this obsession people have with books? They put them in their houses, like they’re trophies. What do you need it for after you read it?”
“Can you die from an odor? I mean, like if you were locked in a vomitorium for two weeks, could you actually die from the odor?”
“How long do you have to wait for a guy to come out of a coma before you ask his ex-girlfriend out?”
