15 Puns That Will Make You Mad at the Entire English Language

15

Beware the Dairy Bandit

A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy.

14

Sam Richardson Tells One of His All-Time Favorite Jokes

“A guy walks into a bar and says… ‘Ouch.’”

13

You’ve Got a Point There

I’m a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable.

12

U.K. Pun Championship Winner Leo Kearse

“I was in hospital last week. I asked the nurse if I could do my own stitches. She said ‘suture self.’”

11

And the Doctor Was a Woman

Doctor: Sir, I’m afraid your DNA is backwards.

Me: And?

10

U.K. Pun Championship Winner Kev Mud

“I can’t go to the toilet without taking candles. I'm a party pooper.”

9

This One’s for the Well-Read Intellectuals

I’m reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen… I can feel it.

8

U.K. Pun Championship Winner Atilla the Pun

“I took my Spanish friend for a picnic at the weekend. He said, ‘Gracias!’ I said, “‘Yeah, I should have bought a blanket!’”

7

Only Buy Your Shoes from People You Know

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

6

Craig Robinson Reveals His Favorite Pun

“Why’d the man get fired from the orange juice factory? He couldn’t concentrate.”

5

Can You Disprove This, Geologically?

A plateau is the highest form of flattery.

4

An Unnamed Contestant Dropped This in the Inaugural Pun Championship in 2014

“My computer's got a Miley Virus. It’s stopped twerking”

3

En Francais

I asked my French friend if she likes to play video games. She said, “Wii.”

2

Pun Champion Richard Pulsford

“I bought an impressionist painting of some flowers, but when I got back home, the cat scratched it. Now I’m trying to sell it as a Clawed Monet.”

1

Fine, This One Is a Little Funny

What’s the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts? Beer nuts are two dollars, but deer nuts are under a buck.