We’ve given plenty of jokes from professional comedians the Hall of Fame honors this year, but this time around we’re giving props to some classic lines from people who made a name for themselves in other lines of work. Comedy may not have been their true calling in life, but for these lines alone, they certainly deserve the credit. So, let’s all hop into the time machine and enjoy the most randomly star-studded amateur open mic night ever.
“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.”
“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.”
“He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.”
“The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised.”
“I would not like to be a Russian leader. They never know when they're being taped.”
Public Domain
“It’s really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people.”
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern… like bad wallpaper.”
“Corrupt politicians make the other ten percent look bad”
“Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There is too much fraternizing with the enemy.”
“The nice thing about being a celebrity is that if you bore people they think it's their fault.”
Wikimedia Commons - The Kremlin
(Upon reading his death sentence) “You have made three spelling mistakes.”
“Whoever established the high road and how high it should be should be fired.”
“There is nothing like puking with somebody to make you into old friends.”
“People be feeling like I’m cocky because of the shit that I say; if you could imagine the shit that I think.”
Public Domain
“If you gave [Jerry] Falwell an enema, he could be buried in a matchbox.”