Ironically, the most monstrous instance of bestiality in the books doesn't involve magical man/animal creatures. In the show, Sansa is forced to marry the literal and figurative bastard Ramsay Bolton, but in the books, it's her best friend Jeyne, whom Ramsey horrifically forces to perform sex acts with one of his slaves ... and possibly his dog. Okay, let's move on to something completely unrelated to sex now ...
1
Darkstar (AKA, Dorkstar)
George R.R. Martin has expressed some confusion about the fact that his readers don't think his character Gerold "The Darkstar" Dayne is a badass, even though he specifically told us he was a badass. Other characters describe him as "the most dangerous man in Dorne" AND the "handsomest" too. And he knows it:
"I was weaned on venom, Dalt. Any viper takes a bite of me will rue it."
His most famous line reads like Martin auditioning to write a Batman comic:
"Men call me Darkstar, and I am of the night."
Other characters constantly tell us how deadly Darkstar is, to the point that even the Knightsguard should pull a Dany and soil their pants upon seeing him.
"By tradition the Kingsguard were the finest knights in all the Seven Kingdoms ... but Darkstar was Darkstar."
But, despite appearing two novels ago, the big dork hasn't really done much to earn that. Aside from all the badass talk, pretty much his only contribution to the plot so far has been trying to kill a 10-year-old girl and only managing to scar her before running off.
"Arianne was almost afraid to ask. "Myrcella. Is she…?”
"... dead? No, though Darkstar did his best. All eyes were on your white knight so no one seems quite certain just what happened, but it would appear that her horse shied away from his at the last instant, else he would have taken off the top of the girl’s skull. As it is, the slash opened her cheek down to the bone and sliced off her right ear."
Granted, cutting a little girl's ear off is more impressive than having a jetpack malfunction and falling straight into a giant butthole, but we'd still call him the Boba Fett of the A Song of Ice and Fire world. The show just left Dorne's Ultimate Badass out and most readers watching probably didn't notice.
Unless the next two books are just 3,000 pages of Darkstar kicking every single ass in the series, we doubt Martin will be able to rehabilitate Dorkstar's image. Maybe that's why he's taking so long?
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Top image: Warner Bros. Television Distribution