42 of the Funniest Tweets from Wednesday, June 5, 2024

In what we can assume is a bizarre attempt to rehab their image, Alec and Hilaria Baldwin took to Instagram to announce that they’re joining the ranks of celebrities with reality TV shows. Tentatively titled The Baldwins, the TLC show will be released next year and will follow “the ups and downs, the good and the bad (and) the wild and the crazy” moments from inside the Baldwin home. The announcement comes just a month before Baldwin goes on trial for the on-set Rust shooting. 

Meanwhile, Richard Linklater is thinking about reuniting with his School of Rock pupils. He recently shared with UNILAD that he would return to direct a sequel under the right conditions — the main one being that there’s a story worth telling and not some “pretty quick” money grab. This comes just months after Jack Black said he would be down to reprise his role as the affable Dewey Finn with conditions of his own (namely, that Mike White returns to write it).

As always, it’s pure comedy on the timeline today, with no cash grabs in sight. Today’s funniest tweets include those about a witch’s microwave, a guy ebbing while everyone else flows and the average flea market action figure.


troythedesigner @troyth... . 1d ... one thing about spongebob towns people they was ready to riot at any point 65 3,216 24.2K del 614K


N.J. Gallegos is Dr. Spooky... 1d ... Gonna start using this insomniac-arrest non-gendered alternative to 'welcome ladies and gentlemen' Hello friends and enemies 171 13.4K 103K del 2M


gossip activist @alicunts 14h jacobelordi ... Comments tannertan36 5h You still fine idgaf 2,509 Reply 4 1,816 40.4K 713K


K5 @2_playaak.1 1d My lil cougar gone lose her mind when i bring these home LESS SUGAR LESS SUGAR BUTTER PECAN FOOD LION ice cream sandwiches butter pecan ice cream & chocolate flavored waters 10 count PER 1 SANDWICH 170 3. 125mg 12 SUGGESTION GREAT If St - - 10-3.5 FL OZ SANDWICHES (35 FL OZ) 10-103.5 mL SANDWICHES (1.03 L) 955 4,893 49.7K 2.2M


Jimmy @lieslmao 1d ... my daily routine is very simple. i wake up and i suffer 33 5,675 14.9K del 524K


NVRMND 32X-J9 @NirvanaM1nd. dd One ticket for As you can see I'm here to purchase one ticket Venom: the Last for Deadpool and Wolverine Dance please k lappablejerk CENATION 31 1.4K 21K del 294K


Nick @NickZararis 23h ... INDOVLS Me after a single sip of alcohol hanging out with my friends HT/@SNYRANGERS 79 Bayer I LOVE EVERY SINGLE R GUY IN THIS ROOM -K'ANDRE MILLER ON THE 2023-2024 RANGERS 1.5K 15 21K 1.4M


kateyrich @kateyrich 1d Included in Target's Pride collection, for reasons no one has yet explained to me, is a bird version of Julianne Moore in Far From Heaven 50 532 4.3K 1M


Stolen Dune @StolenDans 1d I'm also open-minded about getting paid a hundred million dollars to play myself in a movie. DF DiscussingFilm @DiscussingFilm.2d Robert Downey Jr reveals he is surprisingly open- minded to the idea of returning as Iron Man. It's just crazily in my DNA. Probably the most like-me character I've ever played, even though he's way cooler than I am (Source: variety.com/2024/tv/news/r...) 1.8K 62K 1.3M 19


boe @bigsquishyfrog 1d ... hey, didn't want to tell you last night but you were ebbing when the function clearly had a flow vibe and it was totally throwing the energy off 4:51 PM 149 2.5K 60K


COMMS OPEN! The Spriter Punnysher @Punnys... 1d ... This is what a 5 pack of action figures looks like at the flea 1P market ChikoCheez @ChikoritaCheez 3d Justice League is looking different from how I remember 41 3.6K 891K 38K


Cross-laminated Tinder @nickhasthoughts- 1d begging my kid to play video games instead of watching other people play video games online, folks the bar is in the molten core of the earth 183 1.1K 31K 1.5M


Leen McBeans @LeenMcBeans 17h It appears I've bought a witch's microwave Sensor oz/lb CHN g/kg More Less Gonius Sensor 1200W Sensor Sensor Cook (1-12) Reheat Popcorn Inverter Keep Power Turbo Warm Defrost Level (lb/kg) (10 Levels) 3 2 1 6 5 4 9 8 7 Timer/ Quick o Clock Min (Less) (More) 67K Start Stop/Reset 2.9K 208 56


dm4 @dm4uz3. 1d ... ooh ok Google how big are inchworms Images Videos News Books All ... More 1 inch long 35 2.2K 45K 877K


Dr Sean Travers @seanjetravers 1d ... Me guarding my physical media 4.5K 146K 24 570


lifetime Mavericks fan @Idah... 16h ... She moved to the interstate POV: You move from this To this Likes Likes 49 49 63 649 40.5K 840K


RiscV @MKVRiscy 12h did you know they make all an natural plant-based alternative to vapes? 34 1,338 16.3K 246K


No Context Brits @NoCont... 18h ... Me if I was on that plane. Independent Arts @IndyArts.1d James Corden entertains holidaymakers during flight fiasco independent.co.uk/arts-entertain... 26 170 3,243 324K


Andre the Chemist @andreche... 1d ... You, an idiot: It says to cook at 300 °F for 30 min so if I raise the temp to 600 °F it will only take 15 min. Me, smart, understands science: Fahrenheit is not an absolute temperature scale, so you need to double the temperature from absolute zero. Set the oven to 1020 °F. 20 215 3,506 70.7K


IG: Lotsofdinero.. @LotsofDi... 1d ... Damn these boys ain't made it to the NFL yet?? cw The CW news @CWshows 1d BREAKING: 'ALL AMERICAN' has officially been renewed for season 7 by The CW. 20 ALL AMERICAN 20' 462 5,906 50.2K del 2.7M


AdequateEmily is PROUD (for... 1d ... Saw a tiktok slideshow about the Sims with this in it, not knowing it was about the sims at first, and I've been laughing at it for a solid minute. Dollis IMMi Runner's Me when I run into one of my former basement captives at the gym bullagodthen 25 6,891 70.4K 1.2M


mar @GIRLBLOGGER101-1d Ask me a question How do I accept my natural beauty treasure chest Depends what you look like. 11 1,255 16K 350K


casey @stassisbackhand 20h ... I'S RFE Need to know ASAP if this is only when he is physically there at the bar or if he is on-call for shrimp peeling like a neurosurgeon the morally corrupt faye W... 1d guys should i pay an extra $2.95 to let jax do the peeling Jax's Sizzling Shrimp 20.95 10 black tiger shrimp peel and eat style, sizzled in the shell. Marinated in Old Bay seasoning. Served with drawn butter. LET JAX DO THE PEELING $2.95 8 156 3,830 del 227K


Sally Rugg @sallyrugg 14h You've simply got to respect this TRANSPORTATION Nearly half of all aircraft noise complaints in Australia last year were filed by a single person, who complained 20,716 times Joshua Zitser May 2, 2024, 6:52 AM ET Read in app Share 181 504 6,115 199K


alopecia chlmaydia @usedwifi 21h ... can't stop thinking of how hamsters get an mri done SOMA DO PIO 150 370 14.5K 152K del 6.3M


head taybrinaTS @he... . 1d ... she is SOOOOO close to turning around omg girl next time DIBELLI 39 2,595 71.3K 1.3M


drew janda @drewjanda- 1d Please stop raising awareness. There is too much. I have become too aware 77 13.1K 79K 2.2M


sarah rose letter @sarahrosee... .20h ... made my therapist laugh until she had tears in her eyes & fell out of the zoom frame nothing can stop me now i am her favorite this is what peak performance looks like i have won all of therapy 17 104 3,139 55.4K


ADHD Memes @ADHDForReal. 1d ... napcaster-mage Follow my best feature is that I'm blindingly intelligent for about 30 seconds a day napcaster-mage Follow I do not get to choose which seconds. they are not consecutive 9 3,150 22.5K 339K


Katie D @KatieDeal99.1d If my cat only knew how hard I work to provide her treats and a nice home she would definitely still not care 17 324 2,648 65.2K


jokey lil jokester making my lil... 17h ... Bless me father for I have sinned so fucking hard, oh my god, you should have seen that shit 20 176 794 27.9K


depths of wikipedia! @depths... 4h ... reading about homosexuality in WIKIPEDIA The - facidaçada precolonial Hawaii Hawaiian scholar Lilikalã Kame'eleihiwa notes that aikane served a practical purpose of building mutual trust and cohesion; If you didn't sleep with a man, how could you trust him when you went into battle? 24 748 6,657 216K


Lady Lawya @Parkerlawyer 1d ... Me, Hi. Good morning. I have the worst toothache. It feels like I'm in labor without an epidural and an 8 lb baby is about to be born where my tooth is. Dentist Office, Sorry to hear that. We have a small window of availability on August 6th, does that work for you? 61 86 1,909 del 50.8K


Jon @jonbir90.21h Middle aisle at Aldi Joey Barton @Joey7Barton Milkshakes today. Bricks tomorrow. Petrol bombs next week. 4:35 PM - 23 May 2019 97 2,340 31.2K 933K


Neil Renic @NC_Renic 5h The academic fantasy v Early life Paris V Retreat into seclusion V Personal life Death Praise 33 639 5,306 318K


Berto @bertoa_. 1d Instagram needs to understand I don't give a fuck who posted on threads for the first time. 115 19.7K 127K 3M


ang @cybermrcury 1d ... Bro has all the stars in his eyes and didn't think I'd notice 58 3,692 21K 738K


bort @tacobort.21h ... No you can cum first you have the right of way 5 204 2,200 del 65.5K


Adam @adamgreattweet 19h i don't gossip at work i circle back for important new interpersonal developments regarding workplace associates 2 272 2,418 75.6K


erica @ericanextdooor.1 1d another mistake flawlessly executed 8 316 1,164 36.2K


Tracie Breaux @traciebreaux. 1d Um. - 1st cow that got milked 13 474 3,160 del 87.8K


zagreb ebnom zlotdik diev @mj... . 1d ... Matthew Broderick perfectly embodies the British spirit because he too has killed people in Northern Ireland Mets New York Mets @Mets.1d Just announced: Matthew Broderick will throw out the first pitch at the #LondonSeries! JUNE 8, 2024 LONDON MATTHEW BRODERICK'S FIRST PITCH MLB WORLD TOUR LONDON P SERIES 2024 Premium zoom Workplace NEW METI 23 637 6,723 423K