Kenan Thompson Calls Out So-So ‘Saturday Night Live’ Season

Kenan Thompson Calls Out So-So ‘Saturday Night Live’ Season

14 Jokes From Stand-Up Comedians That Are Like Acupuncture for Your Brain

14 Jokes From Stand-Up Comedians That Are Like Acupuncture for Your Brain

A Classic ‘Simpsons’ Episode Was Written as a Tax Write-Off

A Classic ‘Simpsons’ Episode Was Written as a Tax Write-Off

34 Random Bits of Trivia to Gnaw on All Day Like a Frozen Kong Full of Peanut Butter

34 Random Bits of Trivia to Gnaw on All Day Like a Frozen Kong Full of Peanut Butter

20 of the Wildest Self-Diagnoses Provided to Doctors

20 of the Wildest Self-Diagnoses Provided to Doctors

38 Random Bits of Trivia to Stir Into Your Brain Like a Packet of Kool-Aid

Facts are like knowledge concentrate. We’re not saying that you should water them down, but adding tidbits to them will definitely help fill the knowledge pitcher. 

Admittedly, we’re clearly on a bit of a Kool-Aid or Minute Maid concentrated orange juice tip here, and we don’t really know why. Maybe we just finished a nostalgia list and are jonesing for the good ol’ days. Maybe we’re just thirsty. Either way, we hope it made your brain thirsty for these facts!

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38

A fake handball team fooled their way into a German tournament. RRZEG VORI nexe 9 KELAS nexe ВАНЕР PGNi ИНЕР MEG TELE2 EVIS ZÓLI The 'Sri Lankan national handball team' lost all their matches and mysteriously disappeared, leaving a thank you letter to the Bavarians hospitality. CRACKED.COM

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37

Virgin Atlantic salt and pepper shakers have pinched from Virgin Atlantic written on the bottom. virgin Virgin Passengers kept stealing the shakers, so instead of getting rid of them, Virgin branded them and made them conversation pieces. CRACKED.COM

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36

Safeway was founded by a preacher that felt credit purchases were evil. SAFEWAY FOODS SAFEWAY S.M. Skaggs named his cash-only stores to promote the safe way to shop, in opposition to the post-WWI expansion of consumer credit. CRACKED.COM

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35

Blockbuster Video failed to enter the Japanese market in the early '90s partly because of their wholesome strategy. BLACKBUS BLOCKBUSTER BIG W VENED BLOCKBUSTER VIDEO TER VIDEO BLOCK NET and Blockbuster underestimated the popularity of extreme horror and adult entertainment in the Japanese video market. CRACKED.COM

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34

A couple from Florida got revenge on Bank of America after their home was mistakenly foreclosed: Bankof America Bank of America The courts sided with the couple, making BoA cover their legal fees and giving them permission to seize bank assets right out of the lobby of one branch. CRACKED.COM

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33

The iceberg that sank the Titanic did not produce a gash in the hull as expected. Divers in 1986 saw the wreckage and believe the iceberg buckled seams in the hull as the ship slammed into it. CRACKED.COM

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32

Susan Sarandon had to learn how to play cello after being cast in The Witches of Eastwick. Sarandon didn't know this was required of her until after she was cast, and was told if she left the production at that point she could be sued. CRACKED.COM

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31

The US government ruined a natural gas reservoir by dropping an atomic bomb into the ground. A 40-kiloton bomb was dropped into a mile-deep hole to release the gas, which it did, but the gas was then too radioactive to use. CRACKED.COM

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30

Canada banned the Oingo Boingo song Little Girls. The Independent named it as the creepiest music video of all time, but Danny Elfman still maintains it was written as a facetious jab and satire. CRACKED.COM

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29

amazon AMAZON DELIVERS, EVEN IN A CRISIS. A delivery driver for Amazon was caught on camera dropping off a package while police were handling what looked like an armed standoff. Is that a sign of a strong work ethic, or late-stage capitalism? CRACKED

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28

A PRETTY BIG ASTEROID CAME CLOSER TO US THAN THE MOON. In March of 2023, a good-sized asteroid zoomed past Earth at a distance of about 109,000 miles, much closer than the Moon's orbit of 238,000 miles. Equally fascinating, The Jerusalem Post described it as the size of 22 tuna fish, and spent several paragraphs explaining why the noble tuna fish is an appropriate unit of measurement. CRACKED

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27

OHIO POLICE ARE SUING AFROMAN FOR MAKING THEM LOOK BAD. The police in Ohio are taking legal action against the rapper Afroman, because he used footage of their home raid in his music and videos, which they say has caused them embarrassment and damaged their reputation. CRACKED

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26

REP. BOEBERT BRINGS UNBORN BABIES TO A HEARING ON ENDANGERED SPECIES, BECAUSE WHY NOT? In March 2023, during a House hearing on the Endangered Species Act, Republican Representative Lauren Boebert tried to control the narrative by showing pictures of unborn babies. CRACKED

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25

CAR THIEF FOILED BY LACK OF STICK- SHIFT SKILLS. R135 246 A guy in Chicago tried to steal someone's car, but he didn't know how to drive a manual transmission, and was quickly caught. CRACKED

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24

CANADA'S GIFT TO THE U.S.: GIANT, DESTRUCTIVE WILD PIGS. The U.S. is trying to put a stop to the spread of huge, destructive wild pigs coming from Canada. Start polishing up your old feral hog jokes. CRACKED

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23

MIRACLE OR MEDICAL MYSTERY? YOU DECIDE. A woman at James River Church in the Ozarks said that in March 2021, after some people prayed for her, her amputated toes grew back. Lord, we see what you've done for others' little piggies... CRACKED

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22

OHIO'S NOT LOVIN' THE TOFU. MAINE UVTOFU OCT Vacationland 23 The state of Ohio told a guy to take off his license plate that said LUVTOFU because it could be seen as offensive. Tolerating tofu? Sure. But once you claim to love tofu, your intentions become suspect. CRACKED

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21

FLORIDA: WHERE GATORS KNOCK (AND BITE). An alligator tapped on someone's door, and when the homeowner opened it, the alligator bit them. That's just Florida being Florida, we guess. CRACKED

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20

MONOPOLY CARDS ARE NOT LEGALLY BINDING, DRIVER FINDS. In Minnesota, a driver whipped out a Get Out of Jail Free card from Monopoly during a traffic stop, hoping it would get him out of trouble. Alas, he was disappointed. Chance THIS CARD MAY BE KEPT UNTIL NEEDED OR SOLD GET OUT OF JAIL FREE ©1936, 2015 Hasbro. CRACKED

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19

TAXES AND ANIME GIRLFRIENDS: PERFECT TOGETHER. RINT ROOM Tax Heaven 3000 lets you have fun while doing your taxes: you can go on dates with anime characters while getting your federal taxes ready. We're just mildly disappointed they didn't call it something like Tithes 'n' Thighs. CRACKED

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18

CRACKED WISCONSIN SCHOOLS: TOO CONSERVATIVE FOR MILEY CYRUS AND DOLLY PARTON. A school district in Wisconsin decided to take the song Rainbowland, which is about getting along, out of a first- grade spring concert, because it was seen as too controversial.

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17

CRACKED A PRINCIPAL RESIGNED OVER RENAISSANCE NUDITY. Michelangelo's David caused a stir when it was shown to middle school students in Tallahassee, Florida, and the school's principal ended up resigning.

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16

CRACKED YOUR FAVORITE SITCOMS LIED TO YOU ABOUT THEIR SETTINGS Some of the biggest sitcoms weren't too accurate about the places they were set in. For example, Frasier and Niles' favorite coffee shop was actually in a dangerous part of Seattle, and Community's Greendale had palm trees but no mountains.

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15

CRACKED THE SWORD-FIGHTING IN THE PRINCESS BRIDE WAS A BIG DEAL Cary Elwes (Westley) and Mandy Patinkin (Inigo Montoya) took the whole thing very seriously, and put in a lot of effort to prepare for their fight at the Cliffs of Insanity.

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14

CRACKED JAPANESE SKINCARE INCLUDED NIGHTINGALE POOP For centuries, Japanese skincare has included the use of nightingale droppings to lighten skin and take off lead-based makeup. This is now commonly referred to as the geisha facial.

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13

CRACKED JOAN RIVERS ROASTED EVERYONE EQUALLY Joan Rivers was famous for her sharp, cutting jokes and her willingness to make fun of anyone, even her own relatives. She roasted Betty White with I bet you'd be funny on a date if you ever had one.

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12

CRACKED ALEXA IS DANGEROUS FOR KIDS In 2017, the FBI had to warn people about the dangers of internet-connected devices after Amazon Alexa told a child to stick a penny into an electrical socket.

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11

CRACKED FUTURAMA HAD SOME REALLY, REALLY ODD INSPIRATIONS In the Futurama episode Godfellas, the writers drew on a variety of sources, like Arthur C. Clarke's The Nine Billion Names of God and Lord Dunsany's The Injudicious Prayers of Pombo the Idolater, to explore the big questions about life.

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10

CRACKED TRULY PERSONALIZED MEDICINE IS COMING UP Moderna, the company behind the COVID-19 vaccine, is looking to create personalized mRNA injections that could be used to treat various illnesses, such as cancer and heart disease, by 2030. Hopefully Jetsons flying cars are next.

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9

CRACKED LAST ACTION HERO'S FAILURE MOVED ARNIE TO TEARS Arnold Schwarzenegger was really upset after Last Action Hero flopped. Не was so sad that he didn't want to talk to anyone for a whole week and was heard crying in his bedroom. lea - BIR I GREEN - BUGSY SYLVESTERS

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8

CRACKED RFK JR.'S CANDIDACY IS ALREADY CELEB-BACKED Cheryl Hines and Alicia Silverstone are backing Robert F. Kennedy Jr. in his run for president. We're just wondering if any more comedy blondes will come out for him. Say, Amy Schumer?

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7

CRACKED MIKE MYERS WAS HIRED FOR SNL SIGHT UNSEEN Lorne Michaels hired Mike Myers for Saturday Night Live without ever seeing him before. A producer had seen Myers do his famous Wayne Campbell character in a sketch at The Second City in Chicago and recommended him. WAYBE

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6

CRACKED TERRY GILLIAM LEFT THE U.S. so НЕ WOULDN'T BECOME A TERRORIST Terry Gilliam was so worried about becoming a full-time, bomb-throwing terrorist in the U.S. that he left in the late 1960s. He's now known as a Hollywood rebel because of his refusal to change his stories.

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5

CRACKED WHY DO YOU EVEN NEED TO USE AIRPLANE MODE? Even though they tell you to switch to airplane mode for takeoff and landing, they don't actually need you to do this to protect the cockpit equipment. It's to protect cell towers from being overloaded by too many phones passing overhead.

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4

CRACKED NAPLES MIGHT GET MELTED DOWN IN OUR LIFETIMES Naples is situated near Mount Vesuvius, the volcano that famously destroyed Pompeii in 79 AD ... and Naples might meet the same fate if Vesuvius ever erupts again.

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3

Sinatra sent someone to the hospital for asking him to be quiet. In 1966, Frank Sinatra threw a phone at Frederick Weisman, breaking his skull and putting him in critical condition for 48 hours. Weisman had asked Sinatra and his friends to quiet down. CRACKED.COM

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2

There is a clock so accurate it does not lose or gain a second for billions of years. Ye's Optical Lattice Clock.is the world's most accurate clock. The clock would neither gain nor lose one second in 15 billion years-roughly the age of the universe. CRACKED.COM

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1

Lyndon В. Johnson used to give out toothbrushes with the Presidential Seal. Не said he wanted people to think of him last thing at night and first thing in the morning. Не kept a selection of appropriate gifts in a special 'giveaway' drawer in his desk in the Oval Office. CRACKED.COM

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