33 Wild Things Said by Noisy Neighbors

You never really know who you’re living next to. Even if you have paper-thin walls, you still don’t really know, but certain colorful remarks can begin to paint a picture. If you have the luck of overhearing a loud argument, you get to choose whose side you’re on, which is ultimately irrelevant to them, but a little treat for you. For example, you really get to understand a couple’s dynamic if you hear a woman shout, “I’ll give you oral sex when that boy next door walks on the moon!” 

Civilians don’t do a lot of moonwalking, so you can pretty much imagine how the rest of the night went. 

Redditors have recalled the wildest, funniest or most awkward things they’ve heard their noisy neighbors utter, and if they didn’t want to be eavesdropped on, they’d lower their voices.

33

MonkeyHamlet . 1y ago I used to have a neighbour who would shout Go on my son! at the moment of climax. 24 Share ...

32

PhoeboBebo 1y ago Grown man in his 50s shouting at his partner with SOOOOO much rage I'll do my own laundry then.... is that what you want?!? As if it was some sort of gotcha, now your fucked sort of statement. Had to go inside before erupting into laughter. 14 Share ...

31

Davina33 1y ago When I lived with my ex, I could often hear the neighbours if they were in the bathroom the same time as I was. They were a couple in their late 50s. One morning I hear the neighbour say to his wife, Sarah, Sarah, can you put into Google why is my toenail turning black and falling off? 31 Share ...

30

karlware 1y ago I used to live in a slum with paper thin walls with a very professional young people, I think, new to this country mext door.. Every Sunday they used to perform role play for working in a bank. It was sweet. The memorable oral sex night, followed by vomiting and crying, less so. 33 Share ...

29

[deleted] 10y ago Not weird but amazing. My upstairs neighbor was a jazz musician. One if my jobs had me work odd hours so I slept late. Не would apologize for practicing at 10am. Waking up to the sounds of a world renowned trumpet player is not a bad start to the day. I would see him coming up the street as we both were returning from business trips. Me,Oh hey. Where are you coming from? Him, Amsterdam, but before that Helsinki and Malta. And a quick stop in Madrid. You? ....Danbury....it's like Helsinki...but in Connecticut...and terrible... + 3.1K Share

28

artisticvanity 10y ago Two women who live next door were arguing (I assume?). I am not sure of their relationship because several people live in the house. The older woman walked into the backyard, lit a cigarette and started screaming into the house, THAT'S FUCKING WITCHCRAFT! WITCHCRAFT! FUCKING WITCHCRAFT! I heard an indistinct voice from inside. The smoker screeched again, IT'S WITCHCRAAAAAFT!

27

[deleted] 1y ago My neighbours often yell get down you horny bastard!!. They're an older couple with a dog. If I hadn't heard both of them yell it I might assume it was foreplay, but I'm pretty sure they're just telling the dog off. 133 Share ...

26

SeeScottRock 10y ago I lived in a not great neighborhood in college, but there were a lot of families around. We shared a fence with a family with a few boys, all seemingly spaced out in age. One time, the oldest kid was playing basketball with the middle kid, and he yelled at this little kid WHY ARE YOU so BAD AT BASKETBALL?!, to which the younger kid responded, with gusto, I'm 8!. I about fell out of my chair. 547 Share ...

25

StephaneCam 1y ago I overheard one of my neighbours on a work call describing a colleague as a natural born sales animal and I nearly died laughing. 64 Share ...

24

lerokilljoy 10y ago My mom and I live on the fifth floor of an apartment building, and she sometimes has to work really late. Well the elevator happened to be broken so she had to take the stairs. Mind you, these walls are thinner than paper, we hear everything. So around the third floor, she hears someone shouting yeeeaaaa!!!!! YEEEEEEEAAAAAA TAKE IT UP THE ASS!!. There was various banging noises and moaning along with it. She got to our apartment and was laughing so hard she was crying. 873 Share ...

23

Musef . 10y ago My neighbors constantly chant USA! USA! whenever they party. This is weird because we live in Canada. 2.1K Share ...

22

Peter_Jennings_Lungs 10y ago My neighbor is deaf, but still screams at his kids. So that's pretty weird because as soon as they walk away they usually yell all the things you shouldn't yell at your parents, like you fuckwad Quite an interesting bunch, they are. 2.4K Share ...

21

faraway2 10y ago Early morning, I'm outside by the fence having my coffee. These guys are obviously still rolling from the night before. ...so remember when Kizza had surgery on his dick and now he can piss for, like, eight miles?! I'm intrigued. 1.2K Share ...

20

the_pudge007 10y ago I was in a townhouse in college. My neighbors were having a late-night party and I was trying to sleep. Suddenly, female guest screams, Some guys like it when I lick their asshole! Share 986 ...

19

nosher666 . 1y ago Sunday morning passing the neighbors window. They're having a row he says 'I only fucked her the once'.....pissed myself. (UK) 14 Share ...

18

ApplepieButterfly 5y ago I once heard an argument that went a little like this: Stop treating me like I'm stupid! You asked if Seahorses were mammals, Jessica! THEY GIVE LIVE BIRTH. Share 5.7K ...

17

SevenFourteen 11y ago For a while, I lived sandwiched between two lesbian couples. One couple would argue loudly and angrily while the other couple argued softly and tearfully. I once overheard the latter couple having a very emotional conversation about how one of them had drank all of the orange juice even though she clearly couldn't afford to replace it given her current income level and she should probably just stick to drinking water. They earned the nickname orange juice lesbians after that one. 22 Share ...

16

westyseven 2y ago My sketchy neighbour on the phone in his backyard: and you tell Jim that if he ever comes near me again I will FUCK him up. I will FUCKING murder him. Ok love you mom bye Share 226 ...

15

[deleted] 2y ago Let's just put her up for adoption, it's not too late. 2.8K Share ...

14

Circusmoth 11y ago How many quarters do I have to give you til you start working, you bitch! My apartment was next to the laundry room. 31 Share ...

13

Empire_Rising 11y ago I could hear the guy next door getting lucky with some drunk chick when suddenly she lets out a little scream and starts yelling You bit my pussy! Who the hell bites a pussy?! 15 Share ...

12

bigredmnky 11y ago MOM! STOP FUCKING MY BOYFRIENDS! Legit. A forty five year old woman and her seventeen year old daughter lived above me for five years. Those were bad times. 3 Share ...

11

yeetolikeacheeto . 2y ago 00 I tell you my grandfather died and you reply with a dick pic 681 Share ...

10

mrbojingle . 2y ago Listen I know Jim is homeless but that doesn't mean he can shit on my lawn. I'll talk to him 13K Share ...

9

anonymousone89 . 2y ago Listen, b*tch. I might only have one arm, but at least I still got all of my teeth! 3K Share ...

8

pics-or-didnt-happen - 12y ago My balcony faces a courtyard. There is no way to have loud sex without everyone hearing. As a result, we all get to hear each other fucking on a regular basis. There is one old German lady who does not approve and is constantly yelling at everyone to STOP THE SEX! Pretty funny. 1 Share ...

7

Clearly_a_fake_name . 12y ago Oral sex?!, III give you Oral Sex when that boy next door walks on the moon. 2 Share ...

6

UselessPenguin . 12y ago I haven't been arrested for armed robbery for over three years now. Share 10 ...

5

Cacodemon 12y ago Husband: You tell me right now who you were talking to DAMMIT! Wife: It was....A......WRONG.......NUMBAAAAAAA AAAAAAARRRRRRGHGGH!!! 17 Share ...

4

halibutcrustacean 12y ago Not only the funniest overheard neighbor, but the funniest thing I've ever heard yelled in anger. There was a lesbian couple who frequently fought and shouted. I clearly heard the louder woman scream, YOU'RE so VOLATILE!!! Uh...what? Who is? 6 Share ...

3

JM1210 . 1y ago A father bestowed on his son why don't you watch Harry Potter and learn something Share 11 ...

2

[deleted] 12y ago I'M A SEX TOY! JUST A USELESS SEX TOY!! - screamed by my drunk elderly, retired, rich, conservative and (otherwise) classy neighbor as his drunk wife squealed with laughter. They had some seriously hardcore parties. Heard neighbor two doors down fighting with someone. Не was Italian and yelled You're a ding a bat!!! and it became a catch phrase around our house. 3 Share ...

1

[deleted] 5y ago My upstairs neighbors taking turns zapping each other with a stun gun, hitting the floor, groaning in pain, and then laughing like Beavis and Butthead. 50K Share ...