30 of the Funniest Tweets from Wednesday, May 1, 2024

30 of the Funniest Tweets from Wednesday, May 1, 2024

John Belushi Didn’t Want to Die, Lorne Michaels Warned John Mulaney

John Belushi Didn’t Want to Die, Lorne Michaels Warned John Mulaney

15 Cynical Observations From Stand-Up Comedians

15 Cynical Observations From Stand-Up Comedians

Conan O’Brien’s Friends Thought He Actually Died During ‘Hot Ones’

Conan O’Brien’s Friends Thought He Actually Died During ‘Hot Ones’

5 Horrible Things That Happened to People’s Butts

5 Horrible Things That Happened to People’s Butts

33 Random Bits of Trivia We Inherited From a Wealthy Distant Relative We Didn’t Know We Had

You know the feeling. You sit down for a nice brunch, maybe some avocado toast or a parfait, and your weepy, borderline hysterical mother calls. You can’t tell if she’s happy or sad, but you soon realize that it’s a bit of both. Her Great Aunt Judy has passed away and left your entire family a treasure trove of facts! You think of all you could do with that sweet, sweet, knowledge, then drop your spoon and call your lawyer — just in case some grubby sibling tries to snatch up more than you!

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33

WEIRD WORLD There's a corona monument in Belgium, but you can't go to the unveiling. Nobody can, and it's purely because of corona restrictions. We'll have to wait until the pandemic is over to see a monument to the pandemic, we guess. CRACKED.GOM

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32

WEIRD WORLD In Syracuse, a deer smashed through the window of a business called iSmash. It's a place where you can, well, smash things for fun, and the deer got in on the action. Nobody, human or animal, was harmed. CRACKED.COM

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31

WEIRD WORLD A guy in Indiana got strange powers thanks to a horrible, freakish incident. X-X 1 Y-Y x2 -X 12-% After a head injury from a violent attack, he became kind of a math genius - and even found a home thanks to his gift. CRACKED.COM

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30

WEIRD WORLD In Maryland, a lawmaker who's also a surgeon tried to combine those jobs. Terri Hill showed up in virtual legislative meetings while literally in the middle of surgery - and got fined a total of $15,000 for it. CRACKED.COM

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29

WEIRD WORLD In New Jersey, a very honest patron returned a book after 42 long years. The book was Paddington Abroad by Michael Bond, and the library said in a Facebook post that it's a Good thing we're fine free. CRACKED.COM

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28

WEIRD WORLD In California, they're trying to fight crows with actual laser beams. Crows have been plaguing Sunnyvale, CA, for a while, so the city plans to try and scare them off with green lasers. CRACKED.COM

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27

A deleted scene from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer explains why Cornelius licks his ax. After Rudolph guides Santa to the Island of Misfit Toys, Cornelius picks up his ax after throwing it in the air, then licks it and says Peppermint! What I've been searching for all my life! I've struck it rich. So he was just licking his ах to see if he'd finally found peppermint. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

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26

Halle Berry spent 3-4 hours a day training dogs for John Wick: Chapter 3. It came after three hours of martial arts training and two hours of gun training. She didn't have to train dogs, but she did it just to be able to say she could. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

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25

They had to push Jimmy Fallon's jeep in his Band of Brothers cameo. It was a real WWII jeep, and he was a pretty bad driver, so he couldn't make it move. Two guys ended up having to push the jeep forward at the right moment while Fallon pretended to drive. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

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24

Pulp Fiction wouldn't have gotten made without Danny DeVito. His production company Jersey Films bought the Pulp Fiction script from Tarantino. DeVito was the person who then shopped the script around, and eventually brought it to Miramax, which made the movie. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

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23

Dolphins can tell the difference between predators and (nearly identical) playmates. Bigg's killer whales snack on dolphins, while southern resident killer whales avoid red meat (including dolphins). They're so similar that they're considered the same species, but dolphins only play with the safe kind. Science isn't sure how they do it, but it might be down to the whales' calls. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

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22

The East German secret police, the Stasi, took odor samples from interview subjects. GK Vornane Name Datum: 1/86 PKZ: Zeit: 100 Delikt: Reg.Nr.: Dienstateller They used special chairs that had a sterile cloth - the cloth would hold the odor, and they'd keep it in a glass jar. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

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21

When President McKinley got shot, a gynecological surgeon operated on him. Dr. Matthew Mann was the first doctor who responded, so he did the surgery. They did try to call experienced abdominal surgeon Dr. Roswell Park, but he was with another patient and said he couldn't leave even for the president of the United States. They told him that's who it was for, but it didn't change Park's mind. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

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20

In Victorian England, drunk homeless people would sleep on a rope. It was called a two-penny hangover, because you'd pay two pennies to spend the night hanging over a rope. At around 5 or 6 AM, you'd be woken up by falling onto the ground, as the rope would get cut (and you'd then get kicked out onto the street). NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

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19

Justin Timberlake was paid $6 million to sing the I'm Lovin' It jingle M i'm lovin' it™ Timberlake recorded the McDonald's jingle expanded into a full song, written by Pharrell Williams. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

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18

The Statue of Liberty sways a little during a strong wind-up to 3 inches. That happens in 50 mph winds, and the torch alone swings up to 6 inches. But considering the statue is over 151 feet high, that's imperceptible from the ground. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

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17

Salami are completely uncooked, but still totally safe to eat as they are. The curing process, which involves the sausage maturing in its skin, makes them safe and gives them their characteristic intense flavor. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

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16

The popularity of the death by meteor theory of dinosaur extinction is new. Other ideas include a ton of volcanic eruptions, or a similar worldwide catastrophe - but the meteor thing emerged as the leading theory in the '80s. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

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15

Gigantic dinosaurs look super heavy, but they were actually surprisingly light. 3-FINGERED HAND Some of them, anyway, including the largest ones - and it's all because they had really light bones, plus air sacs throughout their body. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

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14

When pirates caught a merchant vessel, some of its crew joined the pirates. That was relatively common, anyway, and the reason was simple: the conditions aboard merchant (and military) ships were terrible. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

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13

Signs saying Ye aren't supposed to be pronounced with a why sound. No 42 YE OLDE LONDON No 42 The letter Ye is supposed to be pronounced th, so the proper pronunciation of Ye in, say, Ye Olde is just the. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

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12

The infamous John Henry Doc Holliday was an actual doctor (of dentistry). Way before he was in the shootout at the OK Corral, he'd gotten a dentistry degree and started running a practice that turned out to be successful. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

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11

One popular way to see if someone was a witch was actually to weigh them. Witches were so light that they could float on water, the belief went, so suspects would get weighed. NOW YOU KNOW CRACKED.COM

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10

Incan people tied knots in rope to keep records. GRAGKED.COM Called quipu, the types of knots and their loca- tion relative to the top of the cord would modi- fy the meaning of the apparatus.

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9

A Virginian park ranger was struck by lightning seven times. CRACKED.COM Between 1942 and 1977, Roy Cleveland Sullivan was struck by lightning on 7 different occasions, earn- ing him an entry in the Guinness Book of World Records and the nickname Human Lighting Rod.

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8

A wallet from 1972 was returned to a plane crash survivor. 1 AND LAKE you I cta take CHIC il Class LOCOL Date I Sampley S a DONOR PRODUTO CRACKED.COM All but 16 passengers died in a plane crash in the An- des in 1972. Hiker Ricardo Peña found the wallet of one survivor, a Uruguayan rugby player, and returned it to him after tracking him down.

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7

Buried treasure may be hidden in Bedford County, Virginia. CRACKED.COM Of the three texts known as the Beale Ci- phers has been cracked, revealing the possible location of $43 million in gold, sil- ver, and jewels.

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6

Wealthy Russians hire fake ambulances to speed through traffic. 03 CRACKED.COM С827АУ The ambulance-taxis are equipped with plush interiors and are being rented our to VIP commuters too good to sit in traffic like the rest of us.

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5

The idea of using lines in roadways to create lanes was inspired by a milk wagon. CRACKED.COM Edward Hines in 1911 came up with the idea, consid- ered the most important single traffic safety de- vice, when he saw the dotted drippings from a leaking milk wagon.

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4

Roald Dahl was a super sexy spy for the Brits. CRACKED.COM The 'Charlie and the Choc- olate Factory' author gath- ered intelligence for the British Security Coordina- tion during World War II, using his charm to seduce congresswomen, actresses, and oil heiresses'.

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3

Quaker Oats was sued by a woman who thought Cap'N'Crunch had real berries. CRACKED.COM Jeanine Sugawara felt tricked that the Crunch Berries cereal didn't have a single real berry, so she sued Quaker Oats on the grounds of false advertis- ing. The case was quickly dismissed.

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2

A pig was executed in France for leading to the death of a child in the middle ages. CRACKED COM The young pig attacked a three-month-old in the French village of Fonte- nay-aux-Roses in 1386, who died after surgery complica- tions. The pig stood trial and was publicly executed.

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1

New Zealand was put up for auction on eBay. CRACKED COM An Australian man in 2006 put the country up for sale for just $0.01 AUD, and bids got all the way up to $3,000 before eBay put a stop to it.

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