Hip-hop mogul Jay-Z recently took time out of beating life in god mode to tweet the cryptic message "Chris Brown." No one knows what Mr. Z meant by this, save that it cannot portend good fortune for the rapscallion Chris Brown, a dancer of some repute and a batterer of the fairer sex. From now on, wherever Mr. B____ roams, he shall look warily behind him for that ineluctable demon, that relentless avenger, J-Hova! As it turns out, baiting Chris Brown is the third most-popular use of Twitter, right behind broadcasting your McOrder and detonating your career in Congress. Some call these people haters. Others believe the trolls' work will one day needle the man-child Brown into growing a soul. Still others believe Brown can do no wrong because they are his mother. In the following tweets, we examine the emerging science of reminding Chris Brown that he just does not get it.
#1) I don't know why Twitter verified
The LOL really makes this one sing
I find your hate sexy, Jenny Johnson
Oh, irony, you rascal
ScienceBlogs.com
Bitches get switches.
Basically, he's Bizarro Jay-Z
He just shouted out to a fake Halle Berry account
Raz B sans glasses
A laugh is a low-pressure scream
I thought the hardest part about Chris Brown was his fists
Zing!
Gentlemen, please! Let's shake hands and agree that you're BOTH part of the problem
I would also add that trying to catch a woman is creepy
Duh. Six feet of earth.
It's hard to tell which is the mirror universe Brown, since ours wears jumpsuits and has 1/2 goatee
He went into comedy after Batman confiscated his umbrellas.*
*Ellas ellas, ay ay ay
Simplicity is often best
And Ryu only hits women because they're in his way
Beat TO her, sure
What is this love of which you speak, hu-man?
Still better than Orlando