It's alright, I'd tell him.
Just send them along later.
"They don't want us there. We weren't invited," Jack finally said. And it wasn't the good kind of 'We're not invited,' as in, 'We're not invited to the Getting-Punched-in-the-Dick Party.' It was the bad kind of 'We're not invited.'
"What do you mean, 'not invited?'"
"Well, I mean, they said we can still
go if we want. But they won't give us a place to stay. And they don't want us to talk or take part in any Q&A sessions or really participate in any kind of active way. We're invited in the sense that they can't legally tell us we can't go."
"They don't want us to give a speech? It's a friggin' internet celebrity party. That's the
only kind of party that I will
ever be invited to." Except for maybe that Getting-Punched-in-the-Dick Party but I really don't want to be invited to that party anyway. I seriously hope that our invitation gets lost in the mail (genitalia).
"Seriously, Jack & Field, this was my chance. ROFLCon is the only organization that would legitimately ask me to give a speech. Ever." No matter how many letters I send to Harvard.
"I know. I
assumed they'd want us there. We've just gotta try harder. Maybe next year."
"Maybe next year? '
Maybe next year,' you fat-headed pig? What makes you think I'll keep dicking around on this sinking ship for another year? Listen, Uncle Jacker, I turned down jobs with Universal Studios, Google and the
friggin' Pope to be here."
"Ok, well none of that is true." We sat in silence for a while. Then, more silence. After an additional stretch of silence, Jack spoke up.
"I'm sorry, Dan, really. I don't know what to say."
"You can start by saying you're sorry."
"... I just did. I completely just did that."
"Alright, then you can reimburse me for all of my expenses. And build me a bat signal."
"No. To both of those things."
"Fine, can I please just sleep here tonight?" He held up his cell phone.
"I've already dialed '9-1,' Dan. I don't think you need another breaking and entering on your record."
"Alright, fine, Miss Mary Jack, I'll go. Oh, but by the way, your secretary sucks. She didn't seem to know what to do with the flask of JD I gave her."
"Sec- I don't have a secretary... I have a daughter. Did... did you give my four year old daughter alcohol?"
"Oh I don't know," I said climbing out the window. "Does anyone really