Monkeys Are Strong, Bulldogs Are Lazy and Rejected Breast Implants In A Dude's Leg: The Daily Nooner (EST)!

Monkey & Dog Doing Situps I stumbled across this clip on YouTube after halfheartedly watching The Moment of Truth on FOX. Have you guys seen that one? It's that lie detector show where people answer increasingly horrible questions and ruin their lives for the chance to win FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS. Why can't we take a hint from Japan and start airing good old-fashioned entertainment again? You know - like a show where a dog helps a monkey do sit-ups. If they put that on FOX I would watch it dutifully every single week. They could call it Animal Magnetism... only that kind of makes it sound like they would be having sex with each other, which is a totally different kind of TV show. How about Spot Me!? If they named the dog Spot that one would be a double whammy. I could see a monkey doing sit-ups with a bulldog holding his legs down on American TV, but to flip it around and have the BULLDOG (not) doing the sit-ups? That's so insane it could only come from the brilliant mind of a Japanese television writer. I'd make some sort of bold statement like "Japanese television writers must all smoke crack!" but I have a feeling that most of them probably come from respectable families and come up with their ideas in drug-free workplaces, so scratch that one. Which just got me thinking... I know this clip is from Japan, but do you think when Chinese people have a really late business meeting and their bosses say "I need you all to stick around," do you think they say "Can we order American?" Food for thought.

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WILDCARD!!! If you've been reading the Cracked Blog for a while, you might remember this post back in December when I pointed out that it might not be such a great idea to give your tattoo fake tits. I know it's been a while (almost a whopping two months), but get this: APPARENTLY I WAS TOTALLY RIGHT.

"My body just rejected it. I guess my girl wasn't meant to have 3D breasts," he said. "There was so much fluid in there. I went back to the studio and pushed on it gently - the implant shot right out."

I wish I could come up with a really solid, clever line to close on here, but my brain just exploded, so I think I'm going to have to end this post with some guttural noises. GUHHHH. BLURRGH. HUHHNNN.