Lance Bass Doesn't Know A Lot About Being Gay

Former boybander and current openly gay has-been Lance Bass told reporters that he was paranoid about his sexual orientation while he was in NSync:

"I was always watching what I said, what I did. You would learn so many things throughout the years, like, gay people do this and gay people say this. I remember one time someone told me that if you say the word 'so' a lot, that's a tell that you're gay. I was so afraid to say the word 'so' in anything I did! That's how crazy things got for me."

Wow. So Lance was so scared of being outed he stopped saying "so." And, yet, he walked around with this haircut:

And he was a member of this band:

Clearly, poor Lance was confused during that tumultuous time. Here are some other things I'm guessing he did to hide his sexuality:

• Messed up choreographed dances on purpose.
• Tried to turn straight by staring at Joey Fatone.
• Refused to have sex with Lou Pearlman like the other guys.
• Told female groupies that "flaccid" was the hip, new "erect."
• Only let Justin get to third base.

___ Gladstone writes for Cracked and others. Go to Wayne Gladstone Lives in Maine to see all his published stuff, links to his other worthless endeavors, and his full name and state of residence.