think about why seeing some stupid fucking baby is so important that it millions of dollars must be spent? And they're talking about spending $10 million on Angelina if she has twins. Where are these figures coming even from?
If this trend continues based on the mathematical formula I've devised, by 2012, gossip and entertainment magazines will be paying $236 billion per baby, double that for twins, half that if the celebrity's Chinese. I've either got to write a scathing manifesto urging the entertainment industry to stop pointlessly blowing large amounts of money on bullshit,
or I have to find a celebrity, give it a baby, and watch the money pour in.
Let's just move on for now. Meanwhile, because America wants to know, here's an update in
People I May or May Not Have Sex With if They Ask Me.
If you'll recall from
last week, as a result of Tina Fey's comments in
Reader's Digest that may or may not have called out Jon Stewart, I very publicly vowed that I would no longer have sex with Tina, even if she asked me. Even if she
begged me.
Even if she showed up at my apartment wearing nothing but a towel and those sexy, sexy glasses, even if she showed up with a whole box of Cheez-its, I would not change my mind. I am a man of principles, Tina. And as glorious and majestic as I think our filthy union would undoubtedly be, a man of principles does not simple abandon those principles as if they were a child. A man of principles stands