Let's take guitar off the table right away. I'm not better at guitar than John Mayer. Never claimed to be. Guitar is for dicks anyway, so let's just move on.
Most of the readers of this blog are already intimately familiar with some of my outstanding qualities. So, I'm sorry, but this post isn't for you. This post is for Jennifer Aniston who, according to
this article, is now dating singer/songwriter/total doofus, John Mayer.
Readers, I'm gonna get just a tiny bit personal on your asses: I'm more pretty seriously in love with Jennifer Aniston. I know I've been in love with celebrities before, but of all the famous ladies that have stolen my heart, (Jenna Fischer, Danica McKellar, Tina Fey, Jessica Rabbit, Amanda Bynes, and Some Chick from an
Invisalign commercial from 2004), Jennifer Aniston is one I could really see myself settling down with. Maybe have a couple of kids, (Aragorn or Billy Dee if it's a boy, Mary Jane or Ghostface Killah if it’s a girl).
And, to be honest, I don't really have a problem with John Mayer. I think he's kinda funny, he seems pretty charming and he's actually fairly surgical with a guitar.
But Jennifer Aniston deserves the best and, frankly, I'm just better than him at a whole lot of things. In fact, based on my research, I suppose that it wouldn't be unreasonable to conclude, Jennifer Aniston, that