So is this a recession?
This is a bit different than a recession, although we'll likely have one of those as well. A recession simply means that the economy stops growing for a little while. Countries typically shake those off within 6-12 months or so. What effect some of the largest banks in the world collapsing upon one another will have is as yet unknown, but public policy experts can't rule out the possibility that we'll soon all be clad in leather clothes, wandering a sun-parched wasteland searching for petrol. The experts also state that they can't discount the possibility that the survivors will envy the dead.
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How will this affect my retirement savings?
If you're an average Cracked reader (statistics say you are) then your "retirement savings" are an Xbox 360 and 6 games. Those should hold their value fairly well until the electrical utilities crumble in late September.
But what if you're a "high-net-worth Cracked reader" (perhaps an Assistant Manager at Sunglass Hut), and have a few thousand dollars saved in a checking/savings account. Although this amount is insured by the FDIC in the event your bank fails, there is a non-trivial chance that the FDIC is inadequately funded to insure all deposits at failed banks in the event of a financial meltdown related zombie outbreak.
With that in mind, the wisest course might appear to be to withdraw all your money immediately and stuff it into whatever it is you sleep on. However by mid October, financial experts agree cash will be essentially worthless, after the United States Government collapses following the seizure of the capitol by a faction of lost and confused New Jersey separatists. For that reason, I suggest you immediately convert your savings to hard goods. You should purchase goods that will have a high intrinsic value in the World-To-Come. Obvious suggestions include petrol, shotgun shells and hockey pads, but really anything that can be improvised into a weapon will be extremely valuable for bartering purposes. Buying a case of double ended dildos now could be the smartest investment you ever make.
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