Crazy Wrestlers, Patented Sticks and Free Tacos: The (Friday) Nooner!

Awesome Video Of The Day Lex Luger Loses His Shit Interviewing wrestlers must be hard. They probably give you a long list of things NOT to do when you first get the job, like keeping food in your pockets or looking them square in the eyes. Still, I've gotta hand it to this guy: He managed to keep his cool in the face of utter catastrophe. I've also gotta hand it to Lex Luger: He did his best, all things considered. But unless this clip was being aired live, why in the name of God did it get out?! Did this meet the producers' and directors' general standard of excellence? It's usually pretty high in the world of professional wrestling. The only explanation I can come up with is that the cameraman was slated to film an anti-steroids PSA the next day and decided to kill two birds with one stone. (edit: A friend of mine - one who actually follows wrestling - says this video is "Tron Guy old." Hopefully there are still a handful of people who haven't seen it.)

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Failed Gadget Roundup "Brilliant" Gadget #1: Animal Toy We've seen some stupid patents this week, but this one pretty much takes the cake. It might say it's an "animal toy," but you and I both know that this guy is trying to patent a fucking stick. There are over seven million patents in the United States, but I think if we trimmed the fat a little we could easily cut that number in half. Sticks? Dog ear protectors? "User-Operated Amusement Apparatuses For Kicking The User’s Buttocks?" We don't need any of this crap. You want something for your dog to chew on? Nature has been providing us with a solution for HUNDREDS of years. See that old stick sitting over there in that mud puddle? Your dog would kill to chew on that thing. Let it. So what do we really need patents for? Plastic, whiskey and electric guitars. That's should pretty much cover it.

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Wild Card We Did It, America! We were all nervous there for a minute, but it looks like our hard work and dedication paid off: Somebody stole a base during the World Series, and now everybody in America gets a free taco! Huzzah! What are you gonna put on yours? I'm gonna cover mine in Fire Sauce and eat the shit out of it, but first I'm gonna make a big stink about not paying any money for it. Just so everybody behind the counter (and behind me in line, too) knows I'M NOT A SUCKER. Me: One taco, please. Taco Bell Employee: Okay, one taco. And... Me: That's it. Taco Bell Employee: Just one taco? Me: I'M NOT A SUCKER. Taco Bell Employee: Please stop yelling, sir. That will be 77 cents. Me: I JUST TOLD YOU I'M NOT A SUCKER. Taco Bell Employee: Huh? Me: THAT TACO IS FREE. Taco Bell Employee: Oh yeah. The World Series thing. Me: ROSS WOLINSKY DOESN'T PAY FOR FREE TACOS. Taco Bell Employee: Whatever. Served. Literally. By the way, if any of you actually go to get your free taco, can you please make a mental note as to whether or not they have a Visible Taco sitting in their kitchen?