Cracked Science Corner!!!!11!!

Welcome to another edition of Cracked Science Corner! (!!!!11!!) Today, we go behind the headlines to explore some fascinating new research that will turn you from a confident know-it-all into a sniveling pile of incertitude, all within a few mind-blowing seconds. Because as it turns out, approximately 90% of what you believe is crap---at least medically speaking, according to a recent study of commonly-accepted medical b.s.:

Reading in dim light won't damage your eyes, you don't need eight glasses of water a day to stay healthy and shaving your legs won't make the hair grow back faster. These well-worn theories are among seven "medical myths" exposed in a paper published on Friday in the British Medical Journal...

Other myths busted---hey, that gives me an idea for a show---include the notion that hair and nails grow after death (which is thought to have originated with photos of Joan Rivers), that we only use 10% of our brains (it's actually closer to 0%), and that eating turkey makes you drowsy (it actually has an effect similar to an ecstasy/crack speedball). But the list failed to mention these additional myths, which are just as widely accepted, and just as false:

• Walking barefoot in public restrooms makes you thin and causes your albums to sell really well
• Marrying your adopted stepdaughter makes you a better film director
• Smoking marijuana does not make you vote for Ron Paul
• Believing 9/11 conspiracy theories causes mental retardation (turns out it's the other way around)
• Bashing beloved rock legends for an easy blog post makes you popular
• Doing speed while pregnant makes your babies faster
• Having gay sex with gay men in restrooms makes you gay (it actually makes you cool); and finally,
• Reeding Cracked make you more smarder

___ Ian Cooper is a frequent contributor to the Cracked Blog. For more of his thoughts on what a bad person you are, visit his website, Wrapped Up Like a Douche.