Blizzard Knows Their Audience Like the Romans Knew the Sabine Women

In a world where Internet gaming is one of humanity's fastest-growing addictions, Blizzard has decided to do the marketing equivalent of lacing their weed with PCP. Their new ads use the twin nerd-pillars of Mr. T and William Shatner to make World of Warcraft so utterly enticing even I vaguely feel like watching someone play it.

I've got to say it's somewhat irresponsible, releasing a siren's call like that when you know damn well the damage that these games can do. There are plenty of articles about people addicted to online gaming, but I'll link this one, because it's Australian, has the word “doona” in it, and claims that at present 30 percent of kids are addicted to the Internet. Admittedly, “addicted” is a loose term; I mean, am I really addicted to pornography just because I can't imagine life without its sweet, warming glow filling my loins each evening? Clearly not. And in a country like Australia, there's not much else to do besides get stung by various scorpions, hoping to find one whose venom is a hallucinogen. But regardless, how can Blizzard in good conscience expect any tender young nerd to resist THIS? It's Captain Kirk! And he's wearing a JEDI ROBE! The only way they could have nailed their demographic more clearly would have been if Juggernaut rushed by at the end asking for corms. So cut it out, Blizzard. The greasy, loveless existences of all the pale, stringy-haired kids I have to wade past at the Internet cafe are on your head.