"JUST STOP COMING IN MY ROOM ENTIRELY, OK."
Your natural instinct will be to plan out a route that has lots of fences to jump over, and shallow rivers to ford, and maybe a low ramp beside a Nazi tank to jump onto. If those are available, go for it, because life is worth doing properly. But even if you're restricted to more mundane environs, you can still plot out an effective, exciting escape. In general, look for areas where car-mounted authorities might have trouble pursuing you. Narrow trails through rocky canyons, obviously, but also maybe the aisles of a supermarket, someone's fancy wedding, or a dog show again.
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*the crowd goes just bananas, hollering and cheering*
Because it's hard to remain inconspicuous on a horse in this society, you're eventually going to have to leave your horse behind, like a villain, or go into hiding together, like a ... you're still a villain, I guess. A behorsed villain. Owning a farm where horses are commonplace is one way to blend in; otherwise, you'll need a garage, one of those tarps people put over cars, or the crafting skill and reputation to convince people you have made an extremely good pinata.
And that's it! Well done! Pet one of your new dogs to celebrate, and be sure to check out the news tonight.
Chris Bucholz is a Cracked columnist and has improved a lot of different types of animal shows. His first novel, Severance, is incredible and available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or Apex Books. Join him on Facebook or Twitter.
It turns out crime on horseback isn't as impossible as one would have guessed. But then again, if El Chapo could hold up a restaurant just to get something to eat, as seen in 6 Epic Crime Sprees That Shouldn't Have Been Possible, and if a real-life Ocean's Eleven scenario could happen, as seen in The 5 Ballsiest Crimes Anyone Ever Pulled Off, then we guess anything is possible.
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