7
First, a Quick History Lesson
The word “prick” has been a euphemism for penis since the 17th century, and its cousin “dick” appears to have joined it a century later. At that time, “dick” was used to describe a male sexual partner, while so-called “immodest maids” would refer to their boyfriends as “my prick.”
Writer Richard Head — which appears to be an extremely fortuitous nickname, and not a pseudonym — wrote the following in his 1665 satire The English Rogue: “The next Dick I pickt up for her was a man of a colour as contrary to the former, as light is to darkness, being swarthy; whose hair was as black as a sloe; middle statur'd, well set, both strong and active, a man so universally tryed, and so fruitfully successful, that there was hardly any female within ten miles gotten with child in hugger-mugger…”
Whatever that means.
It appears that both swears were stand-ins for the person, and not specifically his member, for a couple of centuries. “Dick” would simultaneously refer to things like scrutiny from a police officer, a horse whip and even just shorthand for “the dictionary.” But when military folk started using it specifically to refer to their flesh flutes in the 1880s, the euphemism really took off.
The willy warmer, the wiener sleeve, the cock sock — there are adorable dong accessories available for purchase to make your twig and berries look like an elephant, a festive reindeer, even a dapper guest at a black tie wedding. These things are an inside joke that spans every culture, and can turn any penis-haver into a regular Carrot Top. But their root is actually in rugged mountain culture.
Croatian mountain men wore knitted peenie pockets to protect against frostbite, while Norwegian men favored squirrel fur tubes called “forhyse.” They had an old tradition, kind of a progressive pre-engagement engagement: a young woman would gift her boyfriend a forhyse; if he accepted it, he was marriage material, but if it freaked him out, he was too immature to marry.
5
A Controversial Dessert Spawns Endless Puns
In the mid-19th century, the Brits created a disgustingly textured and hilariously named treat, as they’re wont to do: spotted dick. One contemporary glossary defined it: “Dick, plain pudding. If with treacle sauce, treacle dick.”
In the aughts, some prominent, proper Brits had a bit of a cultural meltdown over the name. A chain of hospitals and a catering company began calling the dish “Spotted Richard,” in response to the copious and obvious dick puns they had to wade through every day. But both entities stiffened their upper lips and reversed course within a year, deciding their patriotism could withstand the odd dong joke.
4
The Edgelord Who Set Legal Precedent
In 1994, a high school kid in Massachusetts wore a very ‘90s graphic tee to school that said: “See Dick Drink. See Dick Drive. See Dick Die. Don’t Be a Dick.”