In the Interest of Poor Taste, Here Are the Most Hilarious Accidents Involving Fireworks

5

A Guy Smoked a Cigar With a Firework in His Hand

The number-one rule of both smoking and fireworks is not to do both at the same time, but in 2017, the New York Daily News reported that an unnamed man was getting ready to light fireworks when “his friends wanted to smoke a cigar first.” That would be fine, except he didn’t put down the fireworks before entering the smoking circle and lost a finger as a result. In a stunning display of kicking someone while they’re down, the police added that he’d tried to save face, if not finger, by claiming a portable radio was the culprit but they found it undamaged. We try not to be too mean to people who suffered serious injuries, but he’s making it real hard.

4

A NASCAR Driver Took a Firework to the Butt

Before a 2015 race at Charlotte Motor Speedway, a scrap of still-burning debris from the pre-race fireworks fell from the sky and hit driver Austin Dillon right in the butt. Luckily, because NASCAR is a competition that routinely involves the risk of catching on fire, Dillon was wearing protective clothing and wasn’t hurt by the sky’s attempt to literally roast his ass.

3

A Soccer Player Set His House on Fire After Lighting Fireworks in His Bathroom

In 2011, firefighters responded to a midnight report of a fire at the home of Italian soccer player Mario Balotelli. It turned out Balotelli, who was fairly well known for stunts like this, had been setting off fireworks out of the window of his bathroom with friends. The Guardian detailed that first responders were partially tasked with keeping Balotelli out of the actively burning house and speculated that his coach “will want to know what Balotelli was doing putting himself in such a position.” We have the same question.

2

An Edinburgh Display Went Rube Goldberg on Some Spectators

In 2012, a sequence of events straight out of a Final Destination movie caused a rocket to misfire and ricochet right into the rest of the fireworks at a Bonfire Night celebration in Edinburgh. Fortunately, no one was seriously injured, although this just means Death will continue to come for them all.

1

The Inevitable Happened to a Car Trunk Packed With 600 Fireworks

Here’s a reason not to put 600 fireworks in the trunk of your car: After a Houston man did that at a mall parking lot party, which is apparently a thing, on New Year’s Eve 2018, someone else’s fireworks landed on his trunk, igniting the whole stockpile. The man told reporters that he “was scared because my girl was in the car,” but he needn’t have worried, because “witnesses were stunned to see a woman calmly step out of the passenger seat and slam the (trunk) lid shut.” 

If anyone can find that woman, we’ve surely got some supervillains for her to fight.