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Four Hilariously Petty Political Feuds
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Amanda Mannen
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- June 29, 2024
We generally expect the people who run our governments to behave better than literal babies swiping squeaky plastic hammers from each other, but the unfortunate truth is that we really shouldn’t. You just don’t get that kind of power without being willing to resort to some seriously underhanded shit. Like when…
4A Vermont Legislator Poured Water Into a Colleague’s Bag For Months
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A Vermont Legislator Poured Water Into a Colleague’s Bag For Months
In 2024, a stint of “nastiness” between two members of the Vermont House of Representatives came to a head when Mary Morrissey admitted that she’d been dumping cups of water into Jim Carroll’s tote bag for several months. She was only caught after Carroll, sick of being aquatically harassed, began secretly filming his bag during meetings. According to him, when he confronted her, she claimed she didn’t know whose bag it was, which would be way more alarming. Petty revenge is one thing, but that kind of random property damage is psychopath shit.
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3A Governor Shut Off His Rival’s Dead Lover’s Fountain
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A Governor Shut Off His Rival’s Dead Lover’s Fountain
Speaking of water-based retribution, after former Maryland Governor Parris Glendening butted heads with his predecessor, William Donald Schaefer, in his role as comptroller one too many times, Glendening shut off the water to a fountain outside the governor’s mansion commissioned by Schaefer’s deceased partner that he visited frequently in 2001. Glendening cited a water shortage, but the fountain was a closed system that only used a gallon of water in an entire year. Schaefer was so mad that he revealed to the press Glendening was boning one of his staff. He could not spill water, so he spilled tea.
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2Two Congressman Had a Really Specific (And Cartoonish) Flame War
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Two Congressman Had a Really Specific (And Cartoonish) Flame War
In 2023, when the Republicans were trying to get Biden impeached because they think fairness means everyone gets the same punishment regardless of their actions, Congressmen Jared Moskowitz and James Comer got, as the kids say, into it. After the Democrat Moskowitz pretty reasonably accused Comer of hypocrisy while regrettably wearing a blue suit and tie and being somewhat short, Comer responded, “You look like a Smurf,” which is both exhaustingly childish and really funny. Moskowitz leaned into it, later wearing a Smurfs tie and calling Comer “Gargamel” on Twitter, which, holy shit, is also a seriously apt comparison.
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1‘Piggate’ Was a Retaliatory Rumor
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‘Piggate’ Was a Retaliatory Rumor
If you’ve heard about former British Prime Minister David Cameron putting his dick in a dead pig’s mouth as part of a hazing ritual in college, you probably believe it’s true. To be fair, that’s a very “future Prime Minister” thing to do. But it traces back to an unauthorized biography written by a member of the House of Lords with an admitted grudge against Cameron. No proof has ever surfaced that it’s true. Honestly, the fact that such an outrageous claim became regarded so instantly as credible is inspiring as hell. Just remember, the next time someone pisses you off, you can just tell everybody they fucked a pig.
