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14 Zingers From Historical Figures and Anonymous Goofballs
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Jesse
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- May 04, 2024
From horny ancient pranksters to Beethoven’s snarky ass, there’s much we can learn from past generations.
14Mark Twain Says the Dumbest People Are Always the Loudest
14
Mark Twain Says the Dumbest People Are Always the Loudest
“The trouble ain’t there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain’t distributed right.”
13Mae West’s Early Version of ‘Your Mother Should Have Swallowed You’
13
Mae West’s Early Version of ‘Your Mother Should Have Swallowed You’
“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
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12Theophilus’ Friend Was Sick of His Shit, and Wrote About It on the Walls of Pompeii
12
Theophilus’ Friend Was Sick of His Shit, and Wrote About It on the Walls of Pompeii
“Theophilus, don’t perform oral sex on girls against the city wall like a dog”
11Oscar Wilde Hates to See You Leave, Loves to Watch You Go
11
Oscar Wilde Hates to See You Leave, Loves to Watch You Go
“Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go.”
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10Kurt Vonnegut Isn’t Afraid of Your Genius
10
Kurt Vonnegut Isn’t Afraid of Your Genius
“If your brains were dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.”
9Elizabeth Taylor Don’t Need No Leading Man
9
Elizabeth Taylor Don’t Need No Leading Man
“Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses.”
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8Albert Einstein Is One of Few People Who Are Allowed to Dunk on the Entire Human Race
8
Albert Einstein Is One of Few People Who Are Allowed to Dunk on the Entire Human Race
“Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not so sure about the former.”
7Beethoven Said Bless Your Heart
7
Beethoven Said Bless Your Heart
“I like your opera. I think I will set it to music.”
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6Kierkegaard’s Most Devastating Roast
6
Kierkegaard’s Most Devastating Roast
“My opponent is a glob of snot.”
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5A Pompeiian Graffiti Artist With This Timeless Brag
5
A Pompeiian Graffiti Artist With This Timeless Brag
“If anyone does not believe in Venus, they should gaze at my girl friend.”
4Hunter S. Thompson Wasn’t a Fan of Hubert Humphrey
4
Hunter S. Thompson Wasn’t a Fan of Hubert Humphrey
“They don’t hardly make ‘em like Hubert anymore. But just to be on the safe side, he should be castrated anyway.”
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3This King Edward VIII Quote Would Have Done Absolute Numbers on Facebook
3
This King Edward VIII Quote Would Have Done Absolute Numbers on Facebook
“The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children.”
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2This Humblebrag From Yet Another Pompeiian Graffiti Artist
2
This Humblebrag From Yet Another Pompeiian Graffiti Artist
“On April 19th, I made bread”
1Winston Churchill Unfortunately Got Our Ass
1
Winston Churchill Unfortunately Got Our Ass
“Americans will always try to do the right thing — after they’ve tried everything else.”
