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15 Pithy Jokes and Quotes to Fill the Last Vacant Crevices of Your Brain
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Jesse
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- April 28, 2024
You’ve got a lot of data gunking up that brain of yours. If you can’t forget the combination to your seventh-grade locker, you can at least plaster over it with some comedy…
15Doctors Hate Lucille Ball’s One Weird Trick
15
Doctors Hate Lucille Ball’s One Weird Trick
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age.”
14Rhys James Says Sometimes the Universe Is Random and Cruel
14
Rhys James Says Sometimes the Universe Is Random and Cruel
“People who say ‘Everything happens for a reason’ have never shit themselves on public transport.”
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13Addison H. Hallock Was Obviously Stiffed by a Cousin
13
Addison H. Hallock Was Obviously Stiffed by a Cousin
“Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.”
12Mark Nelson Knows a Thing or Two About Geopolitics
12
Mark Nelson Knows a Thing or Two About Geopolitics
“Before Brexit, the Withdrawal Agreement was just me and my wife’s preferred method of contraception.”
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11Judith Martin Says Malice Is an Art
11
Judith Martin Says Malice Is an Art
“If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.”
10Ian Smith Lets His Loved Ones Do the Heavy Emotional Labor
10
Ian Smith Lets His Loved Ones Do the Heavy Emotional Labor
“I’m not very empathetic, but I have friends who are, so I just imagine how they must feel.”
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9Bob Saget Had His Limitations
9
Bob Saget Had His Limitations
“I wouldn’t hurt a flea. I’d finger a spider though.”
8Glenn Moore Has a Note for Mr. Spielberg
8
Glenn Moore Has a Note for Mr. Spielberg
“I think the next Jurassic World film should be called A Reptile Dysfunction.”
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7Malcolm Forbes Says a Little Knowledge Is a Dangerous Thing
7
Malcolm Forbes Says a Little Knowledge Is a Dangerous Thing
“It’s so much easier to suggest solutions when you don’t know too much about the problem.”
6Izzy Mant’s Words of Encouragement
6
Izzy Mant’s Words of Encouragement
“You're supposed to say ‘Break a leg’ to actors. Break a leg? It’s not even relevant. That’s like saying to a 100-meter hurdler, ‘I hope you forget your lines!’”
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5Dale Carnegie Knew a Thing or Two About Fools
5
Dale Carnegie Knew a Thing or Two About Fools
“Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain. And most do.”
4Joe Sutherland Lived a Charmed Life
4
Joe Sutherland Lived a Charmed Life
“In my school, kids thought I was posh because I had a PlayStation and a dad. Not in the same house. I’m not royalty.”
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3Mike Bechtle Says You’re in the Driver’s Seat
3
Mike Bechtle Says You’re in the Driver’s Seat
“People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.”
2Billy Arthur on What We Now Call ‘Adulting’
2
Billy Arthur on What We Now Call ‘Adulting’
“You’re only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.”
1Charlie Brown Could Always Find Something to Freak Out About
1
Charlie Brown Could Always Find Something to Freak Out About
“Sometimes you lie in bed at night, and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!”
