Eli Yudin
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In a similar strain is the yakow or dzo, a cross between a cow and a yak that ends up producing the most metal-looking cow I’ve ever seen. Conan should be riding this shit across the tundra, sword aloft.
I like to think that I generally have a good understanding of how life works. Not in terms of meaning, of course. That’s still a philosophical egg we all have to sit on until we get hit by a city bus. I just mean in terms of propagation — of how two animals boinking produces more, and so on and so forth. A key part of that, at least the way I was taught, is that animals of different species cannot produce a new animal. This, it turns out, is not always true. Which is a real whopper to try to cover in high school bio, but I still would have liked a warning.
For example, here are 10 animal combos that somehow produce a brand new animal and spit in the face of the almighty…
10Pizzly Bear
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Pizzly Bear
If an iceberg with a particularly randy polar bear happens to float down into Canada or the like, and that polar bear falls madly in lust with a grizzly, they can indeed have a child. After what must be a truly terrifying bit of mating, we end up with what can be called either a pizzly bear or a grolar bear, neither of which feel heavy on the effort.
9Liger
9
Liger
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Made famous by the boundless imagination of Napoleon Dynamite is the lion-tiger hybrid known as the liger. I think most of us, especially given the source, figured this was just a flight of fancy, but they do exist in real life, and somehow look worse than either cat on its own.
8Zonkey
8
Zonkey
I feel like a horse making a viable child with a zebra would be much less upsetting to my worldview. They’re at least basically two colorways of the same animal in my head. The fact that a zebra and a donkey can produce a “zonkey” and that it will look exactly like what a six-year-old would draw when asked? Worrying.
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7Beefalo
7
Beefalo
Top-tier name, even if the physical product looks like a cow if it was a strip-club bouncer. As you might be able to guess, the beefalo is a hybrid between a cow and a bison. Also, the first animal on this list I genuinely do want to taste.
6Yakow
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Yakow
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5Cama
5
Cama
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The cama is the offspring of a dromedary camel and a llama, apparently in search of high wool production. I assume another fun side mutation is that it’s an animal capable of producing an endless supply of spit to fire into your face.
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4Narluga
4
Narluga
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The narluga, a child of a beluga whale and a narwhal, is upsetting because they were just being made by star-crossed inter-species lovers in the wild until an Inuit hunter caught some really weird whales. They do not have little horns, sadly, which is like, the main reason to mate with a narwhal in my opinion.
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3Wholphin
3
Wholphin
The wholphin is a cross between a dolphin and a whale, which seems physically unpleasant to witness. The animals produced also look like a corporeal representation of the natural crime that created them. I have never seen such tortured eyes.
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2Pumapard
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Pumapard
The pumapard, which sounds like some sort of antiquated French sword, is a cross between a puma (or cougar) and a leopard. It’s also the animal I most want as a pet, despite the fact it probably has an insane prey drive and internal knowledge of where jugular veins are located.
1Chausie
1
Chausie
The most easily and readily adoptable of the bunch is the Chausie, a combination of standard domestic cats and wild jungle cats, which just sounds like horrible news for your vases. If you want a cat but worry that it won’t be strong enough to destroy all your possessions, here’s your answer.
