Even though he is almost certainly not reading this, we’d like to wish a very happy birthday to Jason Bateman! Of course, Bateman’s most famous non-lycanthropic role is the perpetually beleaguered Michael Bluth from Arrested Development. And so, for his 54th birthday, we'd like to rundown 54 of his Bluthiest moments over the years.
Keep in mind, these aren’t all from Arrested Development — Bateman has been dryly funny, quippy and awkward with women in lots of movies and TV shows because that just seems to be his jam…
Bateman established Michael’s vibe pretty immediately, and there’s no better example of that than his delivery of this line in the pilot of Arrested Development when Buster’s drumming interrupts his big speech.
Michael is forced to contend with both Kitty and Tobias, as they request that he say goodbye to these…
Michael tries to cling to a shred of dignity after it slowly dawns on him that the song “Afternoon Delight” isn’t a wholesome tune appropriate for a karaoke duet with his niece. This is a Christmas episode, by the way.
Bateman sure brought the Michael Bluth energy to Game Night — like in the scene where he gets shot and has to contend with his wife’s attempts to extract the bullet using directions from an alt-right militia’s website.
An exasperated Michael praises Maeby’s tenacity as she repeatedly tries to escape a trip to the office.
After his own credit card is rejected in front of Sally Sitwell (thanks to his dad’s hot tub purchase), an embarrassed Michael asks his waiter if he can charge it to Lucille.
Although he may be the sharpest member of the Bluth family, sometimes Michael is totally clueless — like when he fails to notice that Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ character Maggie is blind (although it turns out she’s faking it anyway).
A deadpan Michael aptly critiques his family’s varied, wildly inaccurate chicken dances.
In Horrible Bosses, Bateman again contends with several frustrating dummies — in this case, their criminal activities get off to an inauspicious start thanks to a Sharpie and a whiteboard.
And later, when his Horrible Bosses character tries cocaine, he very serenely loses his shit.
Bateman showed up in the recent Murderville Christmas special and somehow delivered, with a straight face, the line: “Santa Claus is dead.”
Also, in Murderville, Will Arnett’s Detective Terry Seattle discovers that the murder weapon is a candy cane, remarking that the killer must like mint. “And licking,” adds Bateman perfectly.
Bateman co-hosted the 1989 Ice Capades along with Alyssa Milano. In a very Bluth-like moment, he playfully forgot the names of two of the performers.
Later in the same Ice Capades presentation, Bateman introduces Milano to the concept of a so-called “video game.” When he loses at Super Mario Bros., he blames it on malicious software. Oh, 1989 Jason Bateman.
Buster wins the “Saddest” award at Motherboy – Michael has the perfect response.
“…just came off and landed on the dock.” Michael learns why you should never try to teach your son a lesson.
Michael tells Tobias that he’s not interested in him in “that way.” When Tobias asks, “What way?” He flatly says, “Pick one.”
Michael’s reaction to George Michael’s interest in Ann is just one word — and it became one of the show’s most enduring long-running jokes.
Speaking of Ann, Michael becomes nauseated at her dietary choices…
…which may explain why he abandons her in Mexico. Michael being Michael, he tries to turn her rescue into a fun road trip — as long as they can reach her before dark.
He also refers to Ann as “Annabelle” for less than kind reasons, trying to save face with George Michael by declaring Ann “the belle of the ball!”
Even his early role in Teen Wolf Too: The One Without Michael J. Fox had some very Bluthian moments, such as when he awkwardly shuffles out of the school office after nearly going full Wolfman on the administrator.
Later in Teen Wolf Too, he gets, shall we say, excited at a school dance and turns into a werewolf, which thankfully never happened in front of Sally Sitwell.
Even before that, a pint-sized Bateman appeared on the game show Body Language and chatted about his lack of a film career.
Michael inadvertently comes up with a new synonym for “making love.”
Michael takes issue with some of Tobias’ phrasing…
And he lies to Lindsay about Tobias’ final words before being hit by a car.
Michael hits on Rita and starts rambling on about Jack the Ripper. A masterclass in how not to talk to women.
Michael reacts to his dad’s new wardrobe…
Michael can't believe that Ann's mother looks like Ione Skye, and doesn’t think anyone should say that they could be sisters.
He also refutes her bizarre definition of “making love.”
Lindsay sits on the photocopier while shopping for a car…
Michael finds a paper bag marked “DEAD DOVE Do Not Eat!” and peeks inside for some reason.
Michael suggests that his mom take a date up to Tahoe, but she doesn’t think she'll find anyone “willing to go in that musty old claptrap.”
Speaking of gross double-entendres involving Michael and his mother…
A callback to the pilot, Michael teaches George Michael about the most important thing in life — it is no longer “family.”
Michael offers Tobias some practical life advice…
Michael inadvertently hires a sex worker for the office, and in a meta-layer of awkwardness, she’s played by Jason Bateman’s sister Justine Bateman.
And when she doesn’t steal all their money, he borrows Maeby’s famous line.
In Mike Judge’s Extract, Bateman hires a pool cleaner to pleasure his wife so he can freely have an affair – but finds out that the guy went above and beyond.
Bateman appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live!, spending most of the time complaining that he wasn’t named People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive.
Michael succinctly sums up the Bluth’s problems with that one doctor.
Michael nearly blows his arrangement with no-nonsense lawyer Wayne Jarvis by making a pseudo-joke.
After a date with his family’s publicist, she storms out, and he calls out her name — but somehow, that makes things more uncomfortable.
Michael and Lindsay’s twin synergy game isn’t exactly flawless (to be fair, they’re not really twins, it turns out).
In the superhero comedy Thunder Force, we get a taste of what Michael Bluth might have been like if he had mutant crab arms.
Jesse Plemons’ Game Night neighbor, who questions the profitability of the Frito-Lay company, easily could have been an Arrested Development character.
And Bateman’s Game Night character’s reaction to a legit kidnapping, which he thinks is all fake, is pretty much exactly what Michael Bluth would have done.
During a promotional video for Juno, Bateman questions his TV son, Michael Cera, about sex education.
On his first Saturday Night Live monologue, Amy Poehler keeps calling him “Bateman” because she doesn’t want to accidentally call him “Justine.”
When he came back to SNL in the winter of 2020, Bateman claimed that he’d gotten the (then ultra-scarce) vaccine.
This is less about the line reading and more about the way Michael casually shuts the door in Maeby’s face.
Michael lies about his past legal experience, which consisted only of prosecuting Captain Hook in a school play.
Even the dramatic Ozark has some Michael Bluth-esque lines — such as when Bateman’s therapist, Sue, shows up in her yellow sports car, paid for with bribe money.
Michael’s attempt to bond with his son using the hazardous scar factory known as the cornballer is one of the high points of Arrested Development (that sadly was never brought back for Ozark).
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