Bill Hicks was one of those rare cases in comedy where, while he was only with us for a regrettably short amount of time, the sheer amount of material he left behind was absolutely incredible. Looking back on his catalog today, admittedly much of it did not age that well, but some almost seemed prophetic.
Before his death from pancreatic cancer in 1994 at the age of 32, Hicks’ then-topical jokes about George H.W. Bush and the first war in Iraq hit the nail on the head. But when recordings of Hicks’ performances were posthumously released as albums during the George W. Bush administration and the War on Terror was in full swing, those same jokes took on an eerily perfect second life.
It’s a damn shame that Bill Hicks was unable to live to achieve the success he had been working so hard for before fate dealt him such a cruel blow. However, the praise his work has received since his death has elevated him to legendary status, and so, we honor his works by inducting these jokes of his into the Hall of Fame.
15
Bill Hicks: People Person
“I don't have a bad attitude. I’ve got a great attitude. I just got a classic face that, I don't know what's wrong with my face, but people I don't even know walk up to me out of the blue and go, ‘What's wrong?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Well, it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.’
‘Yeah, you know it takes more energy to point that out than it does to leave me alone?’”
“I was in Nashville, Tennessee last week and after the show I went to a waffle house. I'm sitting there eating, and I'm reading a book. I don't know anybody, I'm alone, I'm eating and I'm reading a book. And this waitress comes over to me and says, ‘What’chu reading for?’
I said, ‘Wow, I've never been asked that. Not ‘what am I reading’ but ‘what am I reading for’? Well, goddammit, you stumped me! I guess I read for a lot of reasons, but the main one is so I don't end up being a f–king waffle waitress. Yeah, that'd be real high on the list.’
Then this trucker in the next booth gets up, stands over me and goes, ‘Well, looks like we got ourselves a reader.’
What the f–k’s going on? It’s like I walked into a klan rally in a Boy George costume or something. Am I stepping out of some intellectual closet here? I read. There, I said it. I feel better.”
“You see, I think drugs have done some good things for us. I really do. And if you don’t believe drugs have done good things for us, do me a favor. Go home tonight. Take all your albums, all your tapes and all your CDs and burn them. ‘Cause you know what, the musicians that made all that great music that’s enhanced your lives throughout the years? Rrrrrrrrreal f--king high on drugs. The Beatles were so f--king high they let Ringo sing a few tunes. Tell me they weren’t partying. ‘We all live in a yellow submarine…’ Do you know how f–king high they were? They had to pull Ringo off the ceiling with a rake to sing that song.”
“I used to do drugs. I had no luck with drugs, man. One time me and three friends dropped acid and drove around in my dad's car. He has one of those talking cars, we're tripping, and the car goes, ‘The door is ajar.’