15 More Jokes For The Hall Of Fame

15

Bob Saget

“I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of 16-year-old boy. They're both in my car and I want you to see them.”

No, this joke wasn't in Full House.

14

Louie Anderson

A classic from a classic.

*moves microphone to the side* 

“Let me move that so you can see me.”

13

Flight of the Conchords

*On worrying about the future*

Brett: “I worry about it for my children, and my children’s children, and my children’s children’s children.”

12

Kristen Schaal

“I only look for one thing in guys; they just have to have a sense of humor…about their enormous c**k.”

Now imagine Louise from Bob's Burgers saying it.

11

Norm McDonald

10

Mitch Hedberg

“I like escalators, because an escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. There would never be an "Escalator Temporarily Out of Order" sign. Only an "Escalator Temporarily Stairs... Sorry for the Convenience."

There is an entire Mitch Hedberg wing in the Comedy Hall of Fame.

9

Steve Martin

“I guess I wouldn’t believe in anything anymore if it weren’t for my lucky astrology mood watch.”

If I had an astrology mood watch I'd start playing the lotto a lot more.

8

Aziz Ansari

"The government's, like, 'Oh yeah, you can come to the United States, but you've got to go to Alabama.' It's kind of like a girl going, 'Yeah, you can see me naked, but you can only look at my left elbow. And my left elbow is racist.'

7

Joan Rivers

Now this is just untrue. Especially in her later years.

“I have no sex appeal and it has screwed me up for life. Peeping Toms look at my window and pull down the shade. My gynecologist examines me by telephone.”

6

Steve Harvey

Remember this, and hope Harvey returns to the circuit.

“You saw Titanic. The band was playing as the ship went down. What Black band you know gonna keep playing with the damn ship goin’ down? Kool and the Gang would have been unplugging s**t. “Man, let’s get the f**k out of here.”

5

Ronny Chieng

4

Jimmy Carr

Somethings fishy here…

“I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but if you took all the money that we in the West spend on food in one week, you could feed the Third World for a year. I’m not sure about you, but I think we’re being overcharged on groceries.”

3

Wanda Sykes

This visual gets me every time.

“I’m a black, gay woman. I think the only way to make the GOP hate me more is if I sent them a video of me rolling around on a pile of welfare checks.”

2

Martin Short

At Mel Brooks’ AFI tribute:

“I’ll give you an idea of how Jewish Mel Brooks is: That’s a nose job.”

It takes a true friend to be this kind on your big night.

1

Hannibal Buress

Is he stupid, or brave?

"I never use a napkin on my lap at a restaurant…because I believe in myself."

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Top Image: NBC