Springsteen already performs songs like he's doing some kind of cosplay of an actual hardworking, blue-collar everyman. Now take that character and water it down even more into a groaning, forced Christmas cover, and you've got his take on "Santa Claus is Coming to Town."
It opens with Bruce talking about Main Street and generally acting like an alien that crash-landed in a mining town and has learned how to assimilate just enough to blend in, but to the trained eye, you know it's all a goddamn act. From there, it's just the boilerplate Christmas song but sung by someone who appears to be in that constant mid-grunt final thrust of a constipated, super log dump. By the end, Bruce manages to push out a Christmas-themed crap the size of a Chipotle burrito, scoop it out of the toilet, put a Santa hat on it, and throw it into all of our goddamn faces.