Meet The Medieval Warrior With A Blade For A Hand
-
Cedric Voets
·
- April 18, 2018
The Early Middle Ages weren't exactly known for their state-of-the-art medical facilities. It was a time in history when getting a splinter was enough reason to go coffin shopping. Yet somehow, in this backward age, an Italian community not only managed to keep a severely mangled man alive, but to then turn him into the Medieval Bionic Man, making him better ... stronger ... sharper.
Ileana Micarelli et al./Journal of Anthropological SciencesWe can rebuild him. We have a spare knife.
The man, who lived somewhere between the 6th and 8th century CE, had an amputated right forearm. Nothing special, there are lots of amputees in old graves; that's typically how they wound up there. But not this berserker. On the corpse, archeologists found the remains of a buckle and a knife, which convinced them that after this guy violently lost a limb, his community then kept him alive, built a weaponized hand and strapped it on his stump for maximum badassitude.
The knife-hand wasn't just something he put on for parties, either. Dental analysis shows he used his teeth to often tighten the strap of his new anime-inspired limb. Pressure on the stump again indicates that the knife was a bona fide prosthetic which he used constantly and, seeing as the Longobards were a warrior people, probably quite violently. And that may be the most impressive thing of all -- and we are talking about a medieval warrior with a blade-arm here. The Italian Terminator wound up living a long life, only dying in his forties, which by Medieval standards practically made him an immortal.
As one archaeologist put it: "The survival of this Longobard male testifies to community care, family compassion and a high value given to human life." Human life, and making your enemies soil themselves.
Support Cracked's journalism with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.
For more, check out The 6 Most Epic One Man Armies In The History Of War and The 5 Most Epic One Man Rampages In The History Of War.
Why aren't you following us on Facebook?
