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What 37 Famous Stories Would Be Titled by Modern Websites

In this modern, Internet-fueled world, everything is about getting people to click on your shit. So, naturally, we decided classic tales needed upgrades to their titles.

So with that in mind, we asked our readers to do just that: Show us what would happen if classic stories had been given more modern titles. The winner is below, but first the runners-up ...

37
Entry by MinorShan

OD SKGNET AYN RAND FOLLOW THIS 1 SIMPLE TRICK AND NEVER PAY TAXES AGAIN! CRACKED COM

36
Entry by igm3001

WE PUT ONE NAZI AND HUNDREDS OF JEWS IN A FACTORY TOGETHER. A STEVEN SPIELBERG ELLM WINNER AWARDE INCLUDING PICTURE OF BEST ACADEAY WHAT HAPPENS NEXT

35
Entry by Jollyinthebox

Lose 6 Pounds in 127 HOURS With This Simple Trick! EVERY SECOND COONTS CRACKED.COM

34
Entry by Scott Laffey

HERE'S WHAT THE CAST OF DUMB DUMSER AND LOOKS LIKE NOW CRACKEDCON

33
Entry by T. S. Obiech

TROUBLE STAYING AWAKE? CLICK HERE FOR A SHOCKING CURE! CRAG

32
Entry by Paka

CRACKED.COM HE WENT FROM THIS TO THIS. WANNA KNOW HIS AGE-REVERSING SECRET?

31
Entry by Danzy

STEVEN SPIELBERG Preperts TEEN MOM TRIES TD DATE RAPE SON ROBERT YOU WON'T BELJEVE HOW! A ZEMECKIS Fin CRACKEDCON

30
Entry by Senkik

ASK NOT WHY YOU WERE IMPRISONED. ASK WHY YOU WERE SET FREE. JOSH BROLIN THIS MAN REUNITES WITH HIS LONG LOST DAUGHTER.. WHAT HAPPENS NEXT WILL SHOCK Y

29
Entry by hoomhum

BANYAM CLASSIC CLASSIC BANTAN CASSIC BANTAM CLASSIIC NNTAMCLAT Are you an Ubermensch? Take this quiz to find out! by Fyodor Dostoevsky CRACKED CON

28
Entry by MinorShan

CRACKEDCON YOULL NEVER GUESS HIS SECRET TO NEVER AGING! OSCAR WILDE

27
Entry by gatorboymike

ENRICHED CLASSIC THOU WILT BE SHOCKED WHEN THOU SEEST WHAT SCURRILOUS DEBAUCHERY YON HARLOT HATH DONE! NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE Includes detailed explanato

26
Entry by mattographer

CRACKED.COM THE THEY OPENED ARK LOST NEXT! WHAT HAPPENED BEL TEVE yOU WON'T AND

25
Entry by direbrian

THIS MAN WENT FROM Tamily Man to Tilthy Rich LEARN THE SECRET THE OIL COMPANIES DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW... CRAGh

24
Entry by BlondeFury

If You Can Read This And Not Be Sexually Aroused Then You Are Stone Cold SHUTYO MOUTH! EL James CRACKEDCON

PREPARE TO VOMIT OR HOW DIRTY, IGNORANT IMMIGRANTS ARE MAKING YOU SICK! UPTON SINCLAIR ERIC reea SCHLOSSER CRACKED.COM Fenguin Clssins fta

22
Entry by woweewow

NETFLIK GRAGKEDOON Four Reasons Working At A Hotel What This Man Eats With Fava Isn't What It's Cracked Up To Be Beans Will Haunt You OTE He Was Just

21
Entry by thrillhouse01

What 37 Famous Stories Would Be Titled by Modern Websites

20
Entry by mattographer

CRACKED.COM SAY THESE KEY WORDS AND SHE WILL FIND YOU IRRESISTIB COLUMBIA PICTURES IVAN REITMANFLME BLACK RHINO/BERNIE BRILLSTEIN PRESEUTS A SAY THES

19
Entry by Andipants26

This teenager just got kicked out of school for the THIRD time. What he does next will SHOCK you... a novel by J. D. SALINGER CRACKEDCON

18
Entry by djHanDon

What 37 Famous Stories Would Be Titled by Modern Websites

17
Entry by BRWombat

THIS ASTRONAUT'S DISCOVERY WILL GET YOU TRIPPING - WITHOUT DRUGS!! CRACKED.COM You won't believe how far out it is. In theaters April 1968

16
Entry by Jonnyetc

omg wtfh win This man's INCREDIBLE WEIGHT LOSS SECRET that Western medicine Doesn't want you to know!

15
Entry by 404notfound

ORSON WELLES SHOCKNGH YOUWONTBELEVE WHAT THIS DYING RICH MAN WASLOOKINGFORALLHISLFB SPOERDS NOT LOVE DVD voo

14
Entry by wiclies

GRACKEDCON Can You Spot The Criminal Mastermind? 6'6 6'6 6'0 6'0 5'6 5'6 5'0 5'0 4'61 4'6 4'0 4'0 3'6 3'6 3'0 3'O A. B. C. D. E. 939/0 Of Am

13
Entry by MinorShan

FA SbaTHele Same ORACKEDCON listi >k Sharescribe this poet's thunderwords analyzed by us and GUARANTEE Ureader will WAKE, impress ur Profess, embiggen

12
Entry by Estproph

CRACKEDCON T PRESIDENT KENNEDY SHOT DalAS DEATH BYASSASSIN Heisa INurkt Ancenet. Hewil rik his fe, te livesol his famih. eeryhing be hols dear fee dur

11
Entry by DoctorNemesis

ceder PUFFIN C LASSICS THIS MAN KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. AND HE WILL USE THAT AGAINST YOU. WHY? THE ANSWER WILL LEAVE YOU SPEECHLESS.

10
Entry by luvthecubs

D U STIN T HOFFMAN CRUISE A BARRY LEVINSON LM WHAT THIS AUTISTIC BABY BOOMER DID IS GENIUS

9
Entry by tokiisbored

What 37 Famous Stories Would Be Titled by Modern Websites

8
Entry by luvthecubs

fyou Can Read This ANd Not Feel OUTRAGED Then Your Heart Is Two Sizes Too Small. CRACKED COM

7
Entry by AzISeeIt

CRACKED.COM CecilB. DeMilles AA ywALLY 40 Hhda Simple Jen-Step 14X4L A1X4L O44OKL Program For a auwd yo44m1814 Better You Introduction by Cecil B. DeM

6
Entry by Scott Laffey

CRACKED YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHO SHE KISSED TO MAKE HER CRUSH JEALOUS MARK HAMILL -HARRISON FORD- CARRIE FISHER DRECIED IRVIN KERSHNER PRICUCED GARY KURT

5
Entry by El Zoof

RICHARD GERE JULIA ROBERTS HE FOUND TRUE LOVE WITH THIS ONE WEIRD TRICK! GRACKEDCOM

4
Entry by elendirl

19 celebrities you didn't know were completely broke JESSICA ALBA KATHY BATES JESSICA BIEL BRADLEY COOPER ERIC DANE PATRICK DEMPSEY HECTOR ELIZONDO JA

3
Entry by BRWombat

What 37 Famous Stories Would Be Titled by Modern Websites

2
Entry by bazooka

NIGHT-LOVING NOBLEMAN REVEALS eXClusiVE Anti-aging Secret of Eastern Europe

1
Entry by pjyelton

He increased his manhood threefold without drugs! Click here to find out how!

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There are FIVE chances for you to win some cold, hard Internet dollars. Click on the prompt that catches your fancy, and post your entry in the thread. Or submit to all of them and increase your chances of becoming rich and famous. (Photoplasty winners gets 10,000 pennies, GIF winners get 15,000 and macro winners get 20,000!)