“Electric fluid magnified” sounds a lot more like an early 1990s alternative band than a thing that can happen, so it’s not clear exactly how 500 ethnic minorities were killed, but there they are. The verse isn’t surprising, considering the song’s composer, Stephen Foster, was such an important figure in the composition of minstrel music that his most famous memorial depicted him with a Black man playing banjo at his feet, which was moved following complaints in 2018 but not destroyed in a pretty tidy metaphor for American race relations.
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‘Do Your Ears Hang Low?’
You’re here, so we’re going to assume that, as a child, you sang a naughty version of “Do Your Ears Hang Low?” that substituted “boobs” or “balls” for “ears,” but historical evidence suggests the testicular variant was probably actually first. It dates back to about 1900 and was popularized largely by World War I soldiers who sang the song to entertain themselves, because really, on the Western Front, only nads will do it. That version — which you can also recite in a Dr. Seussian cadence, for what it’s worth — went like this:
Do your balls hang low?
Do they dangle to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Do they itch when it’s hot?
Do you rest them in a pot?
Do you get them in a tangle?
Do you catch them in a mangle?
Do they swing in stormy weather?
Do they tickle with a feather?
Do they rattle when you walk?
Do they jingle when you talk?
Can you sling them on your shoulder
Like a lousy fucking soldier?
Do your balls hang low?
It also happened to be sung to the tune of “Turkey in the Straw,” aka the ice cream truck song, aka a few other titles that are too racist to publish, so it’s got the bigotry angle in addition to being filthy. Aaaaand that about fills up the card. Bingo!