“But Bobby wanted to talk the whole f–king flight. I put my iPod on, figuring Bobby’d get the hint. Bobby kept talking, talking, and tapped me on my shoulder. I was like, ‘See, this is why you’re flying by yourself. Maybe if you shut the f–k up every now and then somebody will accompany your little ass. Ain’t nobody waiting for you on the other end.’
“And then I started thinking, because my favorite show is Lost, and I was like, ‘What if this plane goes down, and it’s just me and Bobby? I’m gonna eat him. I am! I’ll eat him up! First bite would be the vocal cords! I’ll tear them up!’
“Rescue people show up like, ‘Ma’am, what are you doing?’
“‘Hey, you’re allowed to eat people when you survive a plane crash! I didn’t know how long I was going to be stranded out here.’
“‘Stranded? Ma’am, your flight went down three minutes ago! You were flying from Chicago to Nashville! You can see the f–cking IHOP from here! What is your problem?’”