Much of Why Am I Like This? is spent discussing Redd’s actual childhood dreams. His first goal was to become an NBA player, an ambition unlikely to be realized given the comic’s height. “And add on top of that the fact that I’m not good at basketball.”
Another one of Redd’s dreams was to be a hip-hop star. “From 10 to 23, no one could tell me I wasn’t going to be a rapper, bro.” No one needed to as time told him “pretty abruptly” and Redd could see it wasn’t going to happen. Of all his ambitions, at least the rapper dream helped him as a comic “‘cause I still write -- a lot of what I did there helps me what I do now.”
Redd’s third dream? “I wanted to be a gangster.” But he wasn’t much better at selling drugs than he was at basketball. His failures “in the game” fuel a lot of the special’s comedy, borderline scary details that add tension to funny bits like a cousin getting taken down by the cops while Redd was playing PS2.
Nowhere in Why Am I Like This? does Redd confess to actually wanting to be a comedian. He seems to be having a fantastic time on stage, laughing along with the crowd as he spins his stories. But is he happy? He starts the special with a bit about finally going to therapy, a practice he previously believed to be reserved for white people but he now understands is for those with money and time. His success has afforded him both, but what good are money and time when someone is twerking right in front of you and you can’t stop crying?
Redd shares his diagnosis -- ADHD, anxiety, depression -- and is clearly working through his troubles on stage. He’s trying to answer a question that only successful people get to tackle: What happens when dreams come true and you’re still not satisfied?
Maybe there’s an answer in his cousin, the one who got taken down for his gangster ways. He’s still in jail but he embraced religion, rediscovered family, and seemingly found some peace. Redd isn’t there yet, but he’s out there looking for his.
Top image: HBO