JD Roberson
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Rick Sanchez knows everything, meaning his word is law. As much as you may not want to hear it, Rick has never been wrong about anything, ever. To celebrate his 100% success rate on ideas, here are 15 Rick-isms to live your life by.
“I’ll tell you how I feel about school, Jerry: it’s a waste of time. Bunch of people runnin’ around bumpin’ into each other, got a guy up front says, ‘2 + 2,’ and the people in the back say, ‘4.’ Then the bell rings and they give you a carton of milk and a piece of paper that says you can go take a dump or somethin’. I mean, it’s not a place for smart people, Jerry. I know that’s not a popular opinion, but that’s my two cents on the issue.”
To be fair, Rick is the smartest person in the universe. Perhaps we should use this as evidence to have school abolished? I’ll start the Change.org petition right now.
“Listen, I’m not the nicest guy in the universe, because I’m the smartest, and being nice is something stupid people do to hedge their bets.”
This is sadly true, every nice person I’ve ever known is dead. Start studying and not tipping wait staff in order to survive.
“Yeah, sure, I mean, if you spend all day shuffling words around, you can make anything sound bad, Morty.”
This same sentence was said after Trump's “locker room talk” tapes were released.
“Don’t move. Gonorrhea can’t see us if we don’t move. Wait! I was wrong! I was thinking of a T Rex.”
Gonorrhea, despite rumors, is actually very sensitive to light and sound. Cover yourself in deer urine to mask your scent in order to escape it.
Adult Swim
"Listen to me, Morty. I know that new situations can be intimidating. You're lookin’ around, and it’s all scary and different, but y’know … meeting them head-on, charging into ‘em like a bull — that’s how we grow as people."
An example of Harmon sliding in some genuine prophetic advice into a show that can often guise itself as infantile. Who knows how many college dorm rooms this quote currently hangs in.
"To live is to risk it all; otherwise, you're just an inert chunk of randomly assembled molecules drifting wherever the universe blows you."
It’s quotes like this from Rick that inspire you to go out and take chances. Or to just stay in and watch another episode.
Adult Swim
"Fine, I could eat. But, the second he reveals he's evil we're gone."
The same quote was overheard from Jesus at the last supper.
"The universe is basically an animal. It grazes on the ordinary. It creates infinite idiots just to eat them."
This quote is loved by fans of the show and universally hated by self-identifying idiots.
Adult Swim
"I'm a scientist; because I invent, transform, create, and destroy for a living, and when I don't like something about the world, I change it."
If you haven’t figured out Rick’s God complex yet, just look back to this quote where he essentially describes himself as God.
“I’m sorry, but your opinion means very little to me.”
This is a quote so true you could absolutely find it on a Hot Topic T-shirt that your aunt buys you for Christmas.
“What, so everyone’s supposed to sleep every single night now? Y-you realize that nighttime makes up half of all time?”
Remember this when your insomnia forces you to stay up until five A.M. with nothing to watch but the George Lopez Show.
“You don’t get to tell anyone what’s sad. You’re like a one-man Mount Sadmore. So I guess like a Lincoln Sadmorial.”
Imagine if someone obliterated you with an insult like this. What do you do next? Leave town? Change your identity?
"Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people call ‘love’ is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science."
Rick is the exact right person to talk to after a break-up, and the exact wrong person to be a groomsman.
“Weddings are basically just funerals with cake.”
I never realized the truth of this until I recently went to a wedding and saw the dead body in the back of the room.
Rick: “Is that Mountain Dew in my quantum transport solution?”
Morty: “I-I saw you were marking the levels so I had to top it off…”
Rick: “Top it off? Do you know how dangerously toxic this stuff is? And you added it to my portal fluid?”
Morty most likely heard the term “Baja Blast” which sounds science-y enough to mix with portal fluid.
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Top Image: Adult Swim
