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At the domestic box office this past weekend, the resurrected Morbius made just $300,000, which works out to jut $289 per screen. For the same amount of money, each theater showing Morbius could have just sold …
'Morbius': 6 Things That Made More Money Than It Did This Weekend
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JM McNab
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- June 06, 2022
It was the best of times, it was the least Morbin’ of times; this weekend, Sony’s plan to re-release Morbius in theatres went the way of … well, the first release of Morbius. After a wave of internet ridicule, Sony sweatily tried to capitalize on the newfound ironic appreciation of their brooding supervillain flick by bringing it back to the big screen – and even seemingly convincing Jared Leto to participate in their new meme-focused marketing strategy, effectively killing the joke forever.
But that didn’t go well. In addition to drawing more attention to allegations against Leto, in its reopening day, Morbius made just $85,000 – and sure, it’s not a good movie, and is available on VOD, but that’s still less than Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore, which is on HBOMax, is also terrible, and is in nearly half as many theaters.
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6289 Taco Bell Tacos
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289 Taco Bell Tacos
When measured in tacos, Morbius’ per-screen take this weekend isn’t that bad; you could get 289 tacos off of Taco Bell’s value menu for an identical figure. Which, we can only assume, is enough to feed an elephant, or one drunk 22-year-old at three in the morning.
529 3-Packs of Mannequin Eyelids
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29 3-Packs of Mannequin Eyelids
Imagine if a theater showing Morbius decided, instead, to enter the exciting field of mannequin eyelid sales – they would have only needed to sell 29 3-packs of rubber replacement eyelids, complete with eyelashes, to do similar business.
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4A 1 Month Lease On a 2022 Honda Accord
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A 1 Month Lease On a 2022 Honda Accord
For exactly the same amount as Morbius’ per-screen average, $289, you could lease a 2022 Honda Accord for an entire month. And then use said vehicle to travel as far away from the nearest theater playing Morbius as humanly possible.
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34 Anatomically-Correct ALF Dolls
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4 Anatomically-Correct ALF Dolls
Theaters could have made significantly more money selling vintage plush toys depicting NBC’s 1980s alien puppet character ALF fully nude.
Etsy.ca
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Note: this link is NSFW (unless you work at the Etsy shop that’s glueing dongs onto ALF stuffies).
2A Scrap of Freddy Krueger’s Sweater
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A Scrap of Freddy Krueger’s Sweater
One Morbius screen this weekend has less value than one teeny tiny scrap of Freddy Krueger’s sweater – and this isn’t even from the original movie, it’s from A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child, AKA the one where Freddy skateboards.
1Six Sets Of King-Sized Morbius Bed Sheets
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Six Sets Of King-Sized Morbius Bed Sheets
Finally, perhaps the best way to measure Morbius’ box office success is in the currency of Morbius-themed bed sheets; like, you could get six sets of King-Sized Morbius bed sheets for more than the movie’s re-release per-screen average.
Spiritcos.com
Which have extra value, since they double as a contraceptive.
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Thumbnail: Sony, Taco Bell
