PETA (Accidentally) Found HARD MODE on 'Animal Crossing'

PETA, in theory, is a bunch of people who just want us to be nice to animals, but in practice is a dumpster fire. Most recently, PETA saw an opportunity to expand its reach to virtual animals with the suggestion of playing Animal Crossing: New Horizons as a vegan. It turns out, that's the highest self-imposed difficulty setting anyone's thought of so far.

Much like the people who play Grand Theft Auto as pacifists, gamers who decide to go vegan in Animal Crossing are making things virtually impossible without some workarounds. It's an invitation to the hardcore strategy gamers who might've otherwise avoided the game. The first thing the PETA suggests to maintain a vegan Animal Crossing lifestyle is not participating in two of the biggest early-game money-makers -- fishing and bug catching.

We give you an F-. -- PETANintendo"We give you an F-." -- PETA

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Yep, catching a tarantula and selling it for 8,000 bells, despite the nice boost to your little beginner's pocketbook, would not be vegan. They also seem super against Blathers, the owl running the museum, having wings for donated bugs and fish. Fossils and art, sure, but NOTHING ALIVE. Worse, this makes it hard to participate in the Nook Miles program, which rewards you for completing tasks around the island and would otherwise be a solid alternative to simply fishing your life away.

This strategy leaves you with very little in the way of start-up cash. The best plan, though not explicitly outlined by PETA, would be to become a farmer. And in Animal Crossing, that's a bit of a slog. If you're going to have any hope at all, you need to start planting fruit and growing fruit trees immediately. Fruit doesn't regenerate every single day either, so you're going to have to develop some kind of crop-rotation system, so you're not just taking days off. Your best bet is to take advantage of traveling to friends' islands to gather some non-native fruit, but of course, that requires having friends, and you're the one playing Animal Crossing as a vegan.

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You'll also have to slog through a lot of crafting. It'll pay off to check the "Hot Item" at Nook's Cranny and just build a ton of that item for extra cash every day, but here's why that sucks -- you can't craft in bulk, you have to go back into the menu and hit the piece you want to build individually every time. Go ahead, keep building stone tables, see if that doesn't turn your brain into stone in the process.

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The reason you need all that start-up cash in the first place is that the only high-roller way to make any money in this game that's still totally vegan is the Stalk Market. While this turnip-based economy has its own questionable ethics, it's better than trying to eat fish in front of your gator pals -- at least in the eyes of PETA.

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By the end of their little guide, PETA is on board with most of what Animal Crossing is -- having fun with your friends and neighbors, interior design, and taking fun photos. They're even cool with the idea of having animals as neighbors (though they seem concerned about an elephant living in a house). What they're essentially advocating for is a slow-but-steady Dwight Schrute-esque situation where you live off the island and tell society to shove it. Sure, that might make it hard from the get-go, but who knows how much longer this quarantine thing is gonna last?

Top Image: Nintendo

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