Real, Weirdo Video Games Starring The 2020 Presidential Candidates

You know, maybe the Prince of Darkness himself is holding up development. Thoughts and prayers, Gerald!

It sort of makes you wonder if the developers have something against the man, or if video games can sometimes be sort of stupid, maybe. Cry Of Fear fans instantly embraced the Biden madness, and some of the more dedicated enthusiasts created a mod that replaces another boss with a deformed Biden monster. So maybe it's no surprise that Biden believes game developers are "little creeps." Although he might have a better opinion of them if he'd played this much more pleasant game about him riding a scooter and collecting ice cream.

Under The ButtonYou can also mow down squirrels, which has gotta be a gaffe even by Biden standards.

Then again, the slurping sound it makes as Joe rolls over ice cream is ... unnerving.

There are Yang tower defense games like Andrew Yang's Defense, where players "protect, defend and help Andrew Yang spread the word of Universal Basic Income."

KalpaCo/Google Play

Hell, there's even a Flappy Bird clone named after a sex act we've definitely tried and are good at, Flappy Yang.

Andrew Yang Fan/Google PlayA cultural touchstone as relevant today as it was for that brief second in 2014.

The only thing these games truly have in common is that they look like hot trash and often allow players to "shoot the Trump in the face with that sweet, sweet universal pay."

Speaking of Yang fighting Trump, one (non-mobile) developer distilled the concept into a hilariously awful fighting game demo featuring the two slowly, awkwardly beating the shit out of each other.

When AI Trump isn't busy standing motionless for five seconds at a time. Maybe he's tweeting.

Somehow that demo became popular enough the developer expanded it to a full Dragon Ball Z-style fighting game about Yang battling other candidates, like Bernie, Warren, and ... Joe Rogan?

Sam VallelyWe guess we missed the line about podcasting in his platform.

Its peak clownishness comes via Yang's strategy for winning in the game, which is the same as in real life: throwing money at things.

Sam VallelyWhoa, we'd have been signing up to get Hadoken'd more often if we'd known this was part of it.

Presumably all these developers support Yang because of his passion for protecting workers against the inevitable robot takeover of the crappy Yang-based mobile game industry.

The guy in charge of all of this was called Astrophysicist McCallister. Like, that's the literal name on his office, and the name he used in interviews. Stupid names is an important theme which we'll revisit. For example, since Gravel was running such a low-budget campaign, he refused to pay to use his real name. So Gravel's avatar went by "Smike Graves."

Linden LabSeems like the perfect opportunity to dust off "Jenna Talia" and "Seymour Butz," but maybe that's why we aren't presidential material.

Everything was rolling perfectly smoothly -- if poorly named -- until somebody placed a sign featuring Hitler and accusing Kirby of "hating our troops" outside a Second Life establishment called the "Kirby Avatar Emporium." Gaming sites quickly reported that an intern for a U.S. senator was involved.

Linden LabWhich seems a little overblown for a game in which nonsensical racism is basically the small talk between public furry sex.

The senator turned out to be Gravel, and the vandal wasn't an intern, but a campaign volunteer named Lego -- short for Legoean Ferraris. (The greatest name Tolkien never thought up.) Apparently, Lego wanted to build an office from which he could manage the Second Life presences of various politicians, and he believed the goofiness of the nearby Kirby Emporium would damage his business prospects. Lego complained to the owner of the region, one IntLibber Brautigan, and demanded that he repurchase Lego's shitty land. Brautigan not only refused, but blamed Lego's Kirby hatred on racism, because ... Kirby is so ethnically ambiguous, we guess?

Lego failed to sell the land to anybody else and proved Brautigan's instinct's correct with an insane scheme lifted straight from an Always Sunny In Philadelphia episode. To be clear, Gravel himself had absolutely nothing to do with this madness. Due to early onset being-almost-90, it's highly unlikely he's even capable of understanding what went down. But it does probably explain why Gravel is also the last presidential candidate to have an official Second Life presence.

Related: 6 A-List Stars Who Made Insane Cameos In D-List Video Games

Naturally, most of these games swap Trump with the villain -- like in Super Bernie Bros., where Sanders becomes a Mario stand-in and must save Peach from Trump's pussy-grabbers. An exception is, uh, ISIS Bomberman, where players control a member of ISIS trying to bomb Trump to death. We're not sure if that's the most effective way for Hong to achieve his stated goal of "bringing awareness to important social and environmental issues," but ... it is pretty fun.

Jeff HongWe're sure Nintendo is overjoyed at having their code attached to this.

But even those admittedly impressive efforts pale in comparison to the absurd amount of work that's gone into games like Fake News Covfefe, a simple but technologically sophisticated game about a giant flying Trump head destroying buildings by spitting Twitter logos at them.

Via Zooey the pug monster/YouTubeThough somehow it's still way less weird than the game it's modding.

Even more epic is that it's sold as an actual, functioning NES cartridge in a realistic Nintendo-style box with a full manual.

But obviously Fake News Covfefe is clearly intended as satire. The same can't be said for Kek 64: Illuminati Of Time, a bonkers hack of Super Mario 64 that transforms the game into a completely different experience starring a Trump-looking frog running around a surreal landscape.

Besides featuring a full Mario 64-type story about Pepe Trump taking on the Deep State, it includes EIGHT multiplayer modes based on other N64 games. They're ... something else:

- KEK vs. NWO
- Trump Blitz (Kapernick Sack Edition)
- Mission Putinpossible Embassy
- GoldenHair 007
- Drumpf Pro Skater
- The Swamp
- Trumpgretzky Hockey w/ Russian Collusion
- 1080 Russian Alps
- Hilldabeast

The same developer also created a short expansion for the 64DD (an obscure, Japan-only CD add-on for the Nintendo 64) about Hillary Clinton in Guantanamo Bay.

Deep State Globalist GamesIt's pretty bizarre, but we don't know what else we should have expected.

And he even went through the trouble of making all of this compatible with real N64 consoles, which is a Herculean feat. He is clearly an extremely talented and dedicated developer, and it's also clear from his YouTube channel that he's pretty into all this Deep State rabbit hole stuff. But will that stop us from chasing down Jared Kushner in Goldenhair 007? No. No, it will not.

Jordan Breeding also writes for a whole mess of other people, the Twitter, and the Deep State.

For more, check out What Your Favorite Video Game Says About You - After Hours:

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