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Real Name: MichaelSwaim
Member Since: October 12th, 2007
About Me:
I write here sometimes. Also make videos. I also do that one (the videos one) at my own site, Those Aren't Muskets! (www.thosearentmuskets.com). I also do a lot of other stuff, but it's not as directly applicable to the Internet, and I feel like that's what you're probably most interested in. I often shave.
Michael Swaim returns to Cracked's YouTube channel to look at some Bible verses that really should have been cut.
We narrowly averted disaster this time. I've asked my support crew to look into the matter and issue me some reports on the incident.
Because if LOTR taught us anything, it's that wizards in chemically altered states have all the answers.
They say there's no surer way to ruin a joke than by explaining it. Luckily, I'm terrible at what I do and a complete rebel that no one wants to step to.
What if, instead of going to Hogwarts and fighting Voldemort, Harry took his magic and his dumbest friend and hightailed it to America?
What if an 11-year-old Harry Potter had told Hagrid and Dumbledore they could piss right off with all that wizarding B.S.?
Michael and DOB take you on a guided tour of all thirteen groundbreaking episodes on one face melting page.
If we've learned anything, it's that humans are only capable of six psychological reactions to a scourge of the undead. And here they are.
We have a lot to say about Kurt Vonnegut.
These are the Kickstarter projects that made my friends and me say, 'Well, surely we can do better than THAT.'
Indie filmmakers, heed my warnings. I have scrawled them here, like a madman's crooked notations on a napkin he hopes to somehow put in the hands of a former self, a younger self or a less haunted self.
Add it all up, pile on the disproportionate number of male war casualties worldwide, and you're left with the inescapable conclusion that most of the globe will soon be potpourri-scented and sensibly arranged.
Name's Swaim. I'm an alcoholic that can't hold his liquor, and if you thought THAT was funny, you're going to love the one about go f#@k yourself.
In December of 2010, the Editors of Cracked.com decided to lock three of their regular writers in a conference room for 30 days. The writers--Michael Swaim, Cody Johnston and Daniel O'Brien--were tasked with creating as many comedically-themed sketch videos as they could. The conference room descended into madness well before day 6.
When I roll out of bed in the morning, it’s into a big, fluffy pile of pot leaves. Then I laugh and laugh, because my bed IS a big pile of pot leaves, which can only mean I fell asleep in the hash-hammock again! Then I go and shower all of the hash stink off myself and head into work. This routine is pretty common to most native Californians. We a
Just when Kurt thought he was out, George W. Bush pulled him back in.
Who knew a string of fictional deaths would bring Kurt Vonnegut back to life?
It's the rare author who digs his past up, puts it on display like a fossil, AND includes rad stories about sports cars.
John Hughes month continues on Cracked Movie Club!
I don’t want my final book to be a piece of crap. At the end of his life, Mark Twain was writing mostly crap.
Following 1981's Palm Sunday, Kurt Vonnegut wrote his last major stretch of novels.
By 1990, Kurt Vonnegut had a pretty good grasp of what he was doing.
New York. Paris. Tokyo. Miami.
From Mad Max to The Road to the illustrious career of Roland Emmerich, it's clear that the modern pop-culture consumer loves apocalypses.
Have you ever been to a modern art museum and seen a piece that's just a couple splatters of paint on a blank canvas
Just when Kurt thought he was out, George W. Bush pulled him back in.
Who knew a string of fictional deaths would bring Kurt Vonnegut back to life?
It's the rare author who digs his past up, puts it on display like a fossil, AND includes rad stories about sports cars.
John Hughes month continues on Cracked Movie Club!
I don’t want my final book to be a piece of crap. At the end of his life, Mark Twain was writing mostly crap.
Following 1981's Palm Sunday, Kurt Vonnegut wrote his last major stretch of novels.
By 1990, Kurt Vonnegut had a pretty good grasp of what he was doing.
New York. Paris. Tokyo. Miami.
From Mad Max to The Road to the illustrious career of Roland Emmerich, it's clear that the modern pop-culture consumer loves apocalypses.
Have you ever been to a modern art museum and seen a piece that's just a couple splatters of paint on a blank canvas
Just when Kurt thought he was out, George W. Bush pulled him back in.
Who knew a string of fictional deaths would bring Kurt Vonnegut back to life?
It's the rare author who digs his past up, puts it on display like a fossil, AND includes rad stories about sports cars.
John Hughes month continues on Cracked Movie Club!
I don’t want my final book to be a piece of crap. At the end of his life, Mark Twain was writing mostly crap.
Following 1981's Palm Sunday, Kurt Vonnegut wrote his last major stretch of novels.
By 1990, Kurt Vonnegut had a pretty good grasp of what he was doing.
New York. Paris. Tokyo. Miami.
From Mad Max to The Road to the illustrious career of Roland Emmerich, it's clear that the modern pop-culture consumer loves apocalypses.
Have you ever been to a modern art museum and seen a piece that's just a couple splatters of paint on a blank canvas