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Real Name: Pauli Poisuo
Member Since: September 25th, 2008
Columnist, writer, general squeaky cog in the Cracked machine. Just pronounce it the way you want. I'm not your dad, I can't tell you what to do.
Hit me up:
There are belts in your closet that are older than these archeological marvels.
You can't just break the law because you're writing about it.
There are twists you just don't see coming. Neither do the victims.
The job market is tough.
The news cycle tends to operate with the attention span of a coked-up fruit fly.
For everyone hoping their jerk boss gets what they deserve, don't worry, science says that they absolutely will.
Prepare to just perpetually smell like soggy butt all the time.
Despite our seemingly impenetrable knowledge of how to catch cheats, the most ridiculous scams often go undetected for a ludicrously long time.
Some days, the universe gets high and randomly decides to turn reality into a 1980s action flick.
Modern Nazis won't be goose-stepping across the country in groups of millions in the foreseeable future.
Obligatory disclaimer: The following article is NSFW as balls.
Space might think of itself as a final frontier, but for boundless human ingenuity, it's just another hurdle to insanity-scream our way over.