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MojitoJackson New York
Real Name: Cyriaque Lamar
Member Since: January 9th, 2008
About Me:
Cyriaque Lamar was Managing Editor of Cracked. He was previously Senior Editor of the Gawker Media science fiction site io9 and Nottingham High School Prom King 2002.
A First Look At Unsanctioned, Magic: The Gathering's New Set
Squirrels, goblins, and chickens, oh my!
The 10 Most Terrifying Video Game Enemies of All Time
The hardest level to these games is getting through therapy.
Dear Obama And Trump, Please Heal America (And Make Out)
For the sake of this country, Trump and Obama must have a forbidden tryst over the next two months.
4 Steps to Being the Very Worst in a World of Shitty DJs
Step #1: Suck. Step #2: Forget you suck. Step #3: Remember you suck in front of 100 people.
If Every Single 'Star Wars: Episode 7' Rumor Was True
If you Frankenstein-knit together all of the Episode VII rumors -- regardless of veracity -- you end up with THE MOST EXCITING STAR WARS TO STAR WAR IN THE STARS.
4 Anti-Drug Songs That Are Baffling (Even For the '80s)
There's a lot of propaganda out there about not putting angel dust or airplane glue or thumbtacks in your face holes, and most of it is terrible.
15 Reasons You Should Have Hit Me With Your Car
I realized that I was a selfish jerk for not allowing this particular car to mow me down, and I owe the human race an apology.
5 Dangers You Find in the Homes of the Elderly
That house made me understand why H.P. Lovecraft wrote up New England as the edge of sanity but with shittier winters.
5 Reasons 2013 Was Actually 1996 All Over Again
This year was not the year you thought it was. So if you wrongly believe what year it currently is, this will be the most important thing you will read all year. Year year year.
Direct 'The Avengers 2' in 10 Minutes or Your Family Is Dead
WARNING: The scene you are about to witness is a chilling preview of humanity’s future, but not humanity’s far future. Maybe two haircuts from now. And if you’re bald, you will grow a lustrous mane minutes after reading this article. Your scalp will soon sport some real 'Yanni Live at the Acropolis' shit.
The Adventures of Dick Earthquake, Jedi Shithead
It turns out being an evil Jedi isn't all it cracked up to be.
12 Shockingly Important Near-Misses Of Marvel Movie History
Fun fact: Captain America's cinematic civil war almost pitted Tom Cruise against Dane Cook.
7 Common Mistakes That Ruin Movie Sequels & Trilogies
Here's how Adventure Number Three forgets what made Numbers One and Two worth watching.
12 Pop Culture Franchises That Went Insanely Off The Rails
Everything from 'Garfield' to 'Casablanca' has sequels, prequels, re-imaginings and more stuff you never wanted.
21 Comic Books That Turned Insane Out Of The Blue
Captain America: he's today's Hollywood icon, and yesterday's cartoon werewolf.
12 Shockingly Important Near-Misses Of Marvel Movie History
Fun fact: Captain America's cinematic civil war almost pitted Tom Cruise against Dane Cook.
7 Common Mistakes That Ruin Movie Sequels & Trilogies
Here's how Adventure Number Three forgets what made Numbers One and Two worth watching.
12 Pop Culture Franchises That Went Insanely Off The Rails
Everything from 'Garfield' to 'Casablanca' has sequels, prequels, re-imaginings and more stuff you never wanted.
21 Comic Books That Turned Insane Out Of The Blue
Captain America: he's today's Hollywood icon, and yesterday's cartoon werewolf.
23 Awesome Beginnings To Start Your New Year Right
Happy 2018 to you, The Entire Planet.
