Stop Binging and Do Something Productive In Isolation

This piece was written by the Cracked Shop to tell you about products that are being sold there.

It's funny how the Internet basically made social distancing cool, but now that there's a vicious pandemic sweeping across the world and overwhelming our healthcare industry, people are all "But I wanna be with my friendssssss." Well, sorry-you can't. You have to turn the emotional distance you've been creating between people into a physical distance. We know it's hard, which is why we created The Social Distancing Lifetime Subscription Bundle. With lifetime subscriptions to three great apps, you'll be able to get the most out of your life in isolation and hopefully beyond. Here's what it contains:

Rosetta Stone

CNN has called Rosetta Stone the Gold Standard of language education. It's won a PC Mag Editors' Choice Award among many others, and been in use at NASA and TripAdvisor for almost 30 years. It's a big deal.

Rosetta Stone's patented interactive software and speech-recognition technology analyzes the words you say 100 times per second to give you instant feedback and help you develop your command of a language. Combined with their conversation-focused curriculum, you'll come to understand a new language significantly faster than you would with other programs.

With this deal, you'll get access to up to 24 languages (one at a time, there, cowboy) in the Rosetta Stone library. That ought to keep you busy.

12min Micro Book Library

When you're not getting your polyglot on, 12min will help you wreck your reading list in no time at all. Okay, that's not literally true-it'll take (you guessed it) 12 minutes. This service distills complete books into text or audio summaries that are designed to be consumed in just one-fifth of an hour. From fiction to business, history, and everything in between, 12min has you covered.

KeepSolid's VPN Unlimited

You're bound to be spending a lot of time online, so it's a good idea to take some extra precautions against hackers. (Yes, even on your home WiFi. Your password was so easy to guess.) KeepSolid's VPN Unlimited is one of the top VPNs on the market, encrypting your browsing so nobody can see your personal data. It even lets you bypass geographic restrictions so you can watch UK Netflix in Texas if you want. Blackadder belongs to the people.

Sold separately, the programs in The Social Distancing Lifetime Subscription would cost upwards of $800, but you can get them all today for just $199. It's not like you have anything better to do.