33 of the Funniest Tweets from Tuesday, July 9, 2024

It’s no secret that studio execs have been combing the toy aisle in hopes of duplicating Barbie’s enormous box-office success. At one point, this mad dash for childish IP included a potential Polly Pocket film from the woman who brought us HBO’s Girls. But despite having what was described as a “great” script, Lena Dunham told The New Yorker that she’s no longer attached to the Mattel film. After praising the singular way Greta Gerwig brought Barbie to life, the multi-hyphenate said her next movie needs to feel like one she “absolutely” has to do, and that “other people could make Polly Pocket.” 

In other blockbuster movie news, Scarlett Johansson got some sage advice ahead of her upcoming dino battle in Gareth Edwards’ Jurassic World sequel. In a video message to Johansson during her guest spot on The Today ShowJurassic Park veteran Jeff Goldblum told her, “Don’t get eaten… unless you want to.” 

True words of wisdom from Dr. Ian Malcolm.

All the while, the timeline is bustling with hysterical tweets that will have you in stitches. Today’s funniest include those about a pair of boots that will get you the boot, a parrot who would tear it up at Studio 54 and a new generation of Facebook aunts.

33

Marianne Levy @MarianneLevy- 7h ... JOONING KORGEY TO SCREAM My tiny son was asked by his school to NOTES draw a picture of his favourite interest/ hobby C r/sps 298 2,095 39.5K 1M

32

irl girl @fruktflicka 23h you guys will literally miss anything dani doe @blusleaze.2d i miss when the apple on macbooks glowed 198 2,356 68.5K 1.6M

31

Chris Smyth @memychrissmyth-19h ... Welcome to burlesque TORK 20 1,457 26.7K 625K

30

Austine @theereal_one. 21h Listen we all agree that Potatoes are versatile, but not This versatile Araaa @shawntifying. 21h Y'all eating candied potatoes? 91 8,967 94.5K 1.8M

29

Matthew Ivan @matthewivan77.19h ... Didn't the gay month was over..? rottentomatoes RT ... GENDER UEER O 1,454 likes rottentomatoes First look at #Heartstopper Season 3 - streaming on Netflix October 3. View all 56 comments thegr8ghassan Didn't the gay month was over .? Add a comment... 4 hours ago 117 5,434 116K 2.2M

28

the killer @deadbodyonline.20h ... she pops into my head whenever i start to compare myself to others ОН NO NO NO NO DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT GIRL 11 1,513 15.1K 252K

27

femmetanyl @gothesbian 1d ... having friends in ur 20s is for two main reasons Thursday 11:11 AM Mellie Can I list u as a reference on a lease application yeah! of course Thank u love u love u too!! Delivered Today 6:19 AM Mellie my relationship is hanging by a thread 79 7,317 166K 2.5M

26

AME Youngboy @MelechTh... 18h ... Piggy dressed like Jonathan Majors eleanor @dimestorepaglia-2 2d how it feels to call it grass instead of weed 78 2,981 18.9K 917K

25

sk @kirkxxs 1d ... bro what + - 1371K 1371K 2,966 2,966 sk @kirkxxs.1 1d opened tik tok and immediately saw a parrot with a jheri curl?? 2 4,188 52.8K 1.3M

24

das kupotal @pawgtism 16h ... scientists are calling me the one person that is allowed to put q-tips into their ear canal saying things like she's just so careful and i don't know how she does it 21 4,006 43.3K 749K

23

L.L. Human Clickbait @human... 17h ... Occasionally I experience an affliction called Milkshake psychosis where I think about milkshakes for more than 2 minutes and I become completely unreasonable until I get a milkshake. Unfortunately it can last for days 4 51 746 del 15.4K

22

Grip Bayless @talleyberr... . 3h ... I am on my second week of biweekly pay so today I will be showing you how to make a quesadilla out of paper towels 114 2,544 11.6K 328K

21

@RetiredDragger·1 16h ... Or Prettydove @P_Dove1. 1d Yall single or dating? 350 11.6K 47K 2.3M

20

kim @KimmyMonte 1d maybe crabs walk sideways bc they're self conscious of how their ass looks in that tight shell. we don't know. 6 230 2,838 del 60.4K

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kit duckworth @cgduckworth . 15h ... i think i'm becoming a Facebook aunt because these posts are kinda hitting @1234beepbooop-20h THIS TOO SHALL PASS 31 9,527 74.7K 1.4M

18

Tom Flood @tomflood1 1d ... Kids have been at camp for 10 days now - we've been so curious to hear ANYTHING about camp and finally one letter came last week - which opened with the heartfelt and powerful words of: had to write this letter to get a snack 185 2,394 97K 2.2M

17

campbell g @rodeoman.1 12h ... When the read the movie got Wikipedia article after 3 699 8,963 266K

16

Tony Tulathimutte @tonytula 1d ... *raises gun slowly* You've read your last free article 3 244 2,571 65.4K

15

Magnets @PerthshireMags-7 7h ... aha, i see once again that my eyes are itchy. i iknow exactly what will resolve this- giving them a good old rub. ho-ho, it didn't work this time? better give it another good old try for good measure for surely the last effort was insufficient. surely once more will be the ticket 13 1,566 18.1K del 404K

14

Karli Marulli @karlimarulli-1 19h its so hot i can smell each material my apartment is made of 2 204 5,339 del 107K

13

andy van slyke @im_all_id 22h ... Sorry I was late I was frantically applying to other jobs 5 391 4,198 87.6K

12

the killer @deadbodyonline - dd carrie and big once again i find myself wondering if i will ever know HMMM... happiness... i long to feel just okay. 2 TITS less numb. for longer than a 1 PUSSY moment. why can't i maintain long term joy? will i ever actually make anything of my life? 28 2,630 23.7K 560K

11

kate sisk @thekatesisk.21h steven laundromat @evilm... .1d sorry can't talk rn just Are you rabor - learned i'm color blind - from the uber ipad 6 975 13.2K 422K

10

kayyyyswervo @anochalantlover.1d ... liquor never starts tasting like juice you fuckin alcoholics 451 5,577 40.4K del 1M

9

Chrissy @keepitchrissy•1 16h Ngl the older generation was right the problem really be that phone! 59 8,043 25.5K del 668K

8

skylar @skymoding 19h hey do u wanna come over and watch 3 movies in a row bc i'm too scared to kiss you 44 2,275 18.6K 365K

7

CircusCandy @circuscry.... 1d ... THEY CAN FUCKING WHAT????? Hippopotamuses can become airborne for substantial periods of time, researchers discover sky import Sky News 2d 515 3,960 86.8K 1.9M

6

valerie @birkinpilled 1d ... what it feels like to get high and lay in bed after a long day 28 4,527 42K 914K

5

Anti-Fascist Turtle @TheAntif... 22h ... Following @smilingnodding.bsky... seeing a cybertruck in the wild is fun bc only 3000 have been sold so its like oh WOW theres our towns Biggest Dipshit. look at him go! MKNZ ед @Revivadrin64.22h HELP I JUST SAW A FUCKING CYBERTRUCK 274 7,071 76.7K 1.4M

4

@PaulSkallas.1 13h LindyMan Feels like planes should be going faster. We're in the air. There's no traffic. 500mph is baby stuff. 178 345 12.1K 863K

3

Mister Silly @GrustanCoff.21h ... Guy who crashes his car because he thought the bright red octagon was a meatwad sign instead of a stop sign CORDSHAKE NATION ... ... 1d this is insane someone is gonna die APOPK LAKEVILLE RD 60 1,903 31.8K 805K

2

Sherry @SherrySNZ.10h When he sleeps over at my house but he forgot his clothes Juicy 352 3,912 35.4K 2.3M

1

Sean O'Connor @seanoconnz- 22h ... Honestly, I wouldn't hire her because of these dumb ass boots. POP CRAVE Pop Crave @PopCrave.1 1d Emma Roberts says she has lost jobs because of her famous family ties: I've lost more jobs than I've gained from being in the business. People have opinions and sometimes maybe they're not good opinions of people in your family. I've never gotten a job because of it, I know I... Show more 12 43 3,225 110K