A New 'Half-Life' Game Is Coming Only To VR As A Cruel Joke

It's all you've ever wanted. It's the only thing that kept you on this blasted rock for all of these stupid years: a new Half-Life game, which has been the carrot dangling on the stick that made you walk that extra step when you just didn't have it in you anymore.

And after all your years of waiting, your patience has finally paid off, as Valve is set to formally announce the next installment in the Half-Life series, Half-Life: Alyx. But swept up in the whirlwind of excitement you forgot a simple fact: there are no happy endings in life. Instead, we're stuck with a series of cruel Twilight Zone-esque twists. The twist of this joyous occasion is that the new Half-Life game is VR only.

It stands to reason that Valve is making this game knowing it's going to be the reason people buy their first VR headsets. It's evident in the fact that it's a prequel that takes place between the first and second games. That's prime territory to load it with plenty of the innovative gameplay mechanics Valve is known for while cramming it with characters, locations, and various bits of Half-Life ephemera fans will recognize from the two main entries in the series originally released on PC and traditional consoles.

There's still tons of people who won't rush out to buy a set of VR goggles to play a new Half-Life. So, a big congratulations goes out to the eight owners of VR headsets who will get to play it on day one. But we also extend our condolences, as you have been sentenced to at least several months of having to schedule playtime appointments with friends and family members who previously mocked your decision to buy a VR rig. You'll get the last laugh when you charge them an exorbitant entrance fee just to play. Your rig will end up paying for itself in no time. Thanks, Half-Life VR!

Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. Check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin's BunnyEars.com. And listen for his "Meditation Minute" segments on the Bunny Ears podcast.

For more, check out 3 Handy Tips For Not Looking Like Jeffrey Epstein's Friend and In The Role Of A Lifetime, Nic Cage Will Play ... Nic Cage.

And follow us on Facebook. You won't regret it.