The Kids From 'It' Got De-Aged, Because Science Has Gone Mad

Digital de-aging will keep Hollywood's biggest stars looking like youthful shiny rubber homunculi for decades to come. It's a miracle technology that's already let Samuel L Jackson play himself in the '90s in Captain Marvel, and it made Patrick Stewart's head more aerodynamic in the X-Men movies. In Star Wars: Rogue One, it made Peter Cushing look like he hadn't aged a day since A New Hope, and he's been dead since 1994.

But has science gone too far, now that It: Chapter 2 will be de-aging it's child actors so they can look the way they did in the first movie, released way back in 2017 when, need I remind you, it is currently 2019?

Just looking at these decrepit old fossils makes me sick. Warner Bros.Just looking at these decrepit old fossils makes me sick.

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Thinking audiences will hang the projectionists if children are depicted enduring the consequences of time, filmmakers left room in the effects budget to erase the crow's feet and varicose veins that typically creep across the faces of 15-year-olds. Back in the day, you had to suspend disbelief to enjoy a movie wherein 24-year-olds with stubble played high-schoolers.

But soon will come a day when a baby in a movie will remain a baby well into its 30s. Yes, that baby will be disturbingly large and heavy, but the youthful vigor one has when their head is freshly popped from the womb will be preserved through the wonders of movie magic. On that day, some idiot filmmaker will make the grave mistake of allowing a child to age a year between films. Audiences will cock their heads like confused dogs, wondering who hired this haggard urchin with eyes wild and hungry for meth.

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Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. Check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin's BunnyEars.com. And listen for his "Meditation Minute" segments on the Bunny Ears podcast.

For more, check out All The Controversy Surrounding 'The Hunt' Is Stupid and Tarantino Wants To Make A Horror Film, Forgot He Already Did.

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