5 Mindblowingly Petty Moves By The Trump White House

We'd be willing to bet a few of these that Trump at least considered putting his own face on there.

This is important, because a bill's security features are normally implemented during the design phase, not this late into the game. If we wanted to be conspiratorial, we'd say that this is just Mnuchin clumsily covering up having killed the Tubman 20 on Trump's orders -- or maybe even covering up having killed the bill so that he doesn't have to watch his dipstick boss pull the thing himself after Fox & Friends reports on it and causes him to rage-fill his diaper at 5 a.m.

The Treasury Department has announced an investigation into the delays. Meanwhile, in another startling coincidence, Mnuchin claimed that the delay means that Harriet Tubman might never wind up on the $20 bill, on account of how the next Treasury secretary could order it redesigned. Fancy that.

Trump wasn't invited to McCain's funeral. He made up for this later by complaining how no one thanked him for giving McCain a good funeral. This was such a misrepresentation of his contribution to the affair that the National Cathedral stepped in to call the president a lying asshole.

Aside from the usual catty remarks, things didn't get real again until earlier this year, when ahead of a state visit to Japan, the White House contacted the Navy and asked them to keep the U.S.S. John S. McCain "out of sight" until Trump had passed by. The ship was docked for repairs, meaning this wasn't possible, so the Navy did the next-best thing and hung tarps over the ship's name, parked a barge in front of it for good measure, and gave the crew the day off.

Pictured: Trump's much-ballyhooed respect for the military.

After criticism mounted over this, acting Defense Secretary Pat Shanahan pointed the blame at low-level Navy staffers, while White House Chief of Staff (for now) Mick Mulvaney said that this wasn't "an unreasonable thing to ask," given the history between McCain and Trump. The heat he got over this didn't dampen Trump's bile. While giving a speech before the Faith and Freedom Coalition in June 2019, he described himself as "very happy" over how somebody had "fortunately" gone onto "greener pastures ... or perhaps far less green pastures."

These costs run the gamut from $8,000 all the way up to $81,000. If the latter figures seems impressive, hold onto your hat, because they're nothing compared to the $470,000 Trump owes El Paso for a rally in February 2019. "I'm hopeful they'll pay," said Mayor Dee Margo. "I'm hopeful they'll do what's right. People that don't pay their bills -- that's a character integrity issue."

Vanity Fair*cough cough*

The whole reason he's able to get away with this nonsense is that none of the cities involved -- which also include Burlington, Mesa, and Spokane -- signed contracts with the campaign, believing they would pay up out of goodwill and "integrity," evidently forgetting absolutely everything about Trump's history on this matter. This doesn't even factor in the $7 million the administration currently owes the District of Columbia for security costs related to the 2017 inauguration. That debt means the local government is now being forced to dip into a special fund earmarked for preventing terrorist attacks. We don't know how the city paid for Trump's look-at-me parade on July Fourth, but we hope they kept those tanks as collateral.

Trump justified the ban by saying that trans people were causing "tremendous disruption." He didn't say what exactly this meant, but none of the 19 other countries that allow trans soldiers -- including Canada, Germany, and the UK -- have ever reported any problems, tremendous or otherwise. Hell, not even the U.S. military knows what he's talking about. In April 2018, four service chiefs -- representing the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marine Corps -- testified before Congress to having seen "zero reports of issues of cohesion, discipline, morale as a result of open transgender service."

There's also Trump's other rationale, that the "tremendous" costs associated with trans healthcare are preventing us from achieving "decisive and overwhelming victory" -- as if the reason we got our asses kicked in Afghanistan, Iraq, and Iran [TBD] is that we spent billions on hormones and not enough on body armor, bullets, and bombs. In actuality, the total costs associated with trans healthcare in the military equate to somewhere between $2.4 million and $8.4 million annually.

That sounds like a lot, sure, but considering the total annual military healthcare budget is somewhere near $50 billion, those "tremendous" costs are a rounding error of a rounding error of a rounding error. The military spends nearly ten times what it does on trans healthcare on erectile dysfunction medication every year, but when Trump was asked about those costs, he replied, "It is what it is." Come on, guys. We can afford sturdy dongs and people being comfortable with their personhood. This isn't an either/or situation. While it's good to call out the flimsiness of these justifications, this ban has nothing to do with facts and everything to do with the black ooze that runs through Trump's veins like syphilitic motor oil.

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