4 Small Town News Stories Straight Out Of Urban Legends

When Kaser had finished, he stepped out of his truck and right into the opening of the auger -- which, as you'd expect, immediately snatched his leg and began chewing on it like he was human-flavored jerky. Wait, we found a video of what it probably looked like:

In order to avoid losing more than his leg, Kaser pulled out a 4-inch pocket knife and started hacking away below his knee like, well, a human auger. He nearly dropped the knife at one point, but soon enough he was free ... but not necessarily in the clear. As this was one of those days, Kaser had left his cellphone at home. In order to fetch help, therefore, he had to crawl 150 yards over gravel and rock to the nearest phone, after which he was finally rescued by an air ambulance.

In an interview, Kaser admitted that he'd cut away the auger's safety screen a few months prior, and had been meaning, in that way everyone does pre-mauling, to fix it. "I'm kind of disappointed in myself that I didn't think of fixing that thing, or whatever. But that's why they call them accidents I guess."

They found the beast in a cage in the garage, without food, water, or (more worryingly) a proper padlock on the door. The "marijuana enthusiast" phoned the police ... and was immediately bombarded with questions about whether the tiger was in fact nothing but a drug-fueled misadventure, as if the caller was living out a trash remake of Fantasia.

Luckily, there was a happy ending for all involved. The police soon arrived and rescued the tiger, and its owner was arrested for animal cruelty. The tiger was taken to a local animal sanctuary, and D.A.R.E. got some powerful new material.

Humane Society of the U.S.He currently lives there with two other rescued tigers, because GOOD LORD, TEXANS, THESE ARE NOT PETS.

When Roman left for work that morning, he and his son's bedrooms were a mess. Now? They were spotless, as were his rugs, which had been vacuumed, and his counter tops, which had been cleared of stray objects. That's when he went into the bathroom and found them. The roses made of toilet paper.

WCVB-BostonOnly a criminal mastermind could've done something like this.

Somebody had broken into his home and cleaned the place from top to bottom.

With no witnesses and, let's face it, barely any evidence of a crime having been committed, Roman never discovered who did it or exactly what happened. Were they shooting porn? Had he been turned over by a recidivist ex-con who did hard time at finishing school? Are we sure it wasn't porn?

The best theory Roman has is that this was the work of a professional cleaning company that had gotten their addresses confused -- but, like, a hardcore one that straight up breaks into people's houses if they're not in. Roman has since changed his locks, but kept the toilet paper roses as a memento of his brush with the weirdest criminal syndicate in the country.

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