How Many Farts Does It Take To Kill Someone?
Technically, "toxic" isn't a joke term when it comes to certain flatulent acts. Our rectal expulsions contain a number of asphyxiants (gasses that can cause death by suffocation). The most common asphyxiant found in farts, nitrogen, is the trendy new method for executing prisoners, and very non-breathable methane is also a high-percentage gas that tends to hang around after dinner. To weaponize farts, you'd simply have to keep those gases from dispersing.
So here's how you kill someone with farts, because our 14 years of publication have been building up to this. You will need a room full of dozens, if not hundreds, of farters with vacuum-sealed butts, and you will need tubes from those isolated anuses leading to a breathing mask on the victim's face. Once the victim of this strange and terrible revenge (Gary, you know what you did) starts breathing in pure farts without contamination from the surrounding air, the nitrogen would begin eliminating the oxygen stored in their lungs, and they would suffocate. And it would take about 605 farts to do them in, although that requires a few, ahem, assumptions about both their lung capacity and the average volume of fart.
Kasia Biel/Adobe StockSo more than just German food followed by a long elevator ride, like we'd always assumed.